Friday, January 28, 2005 / 5:27 PM
might i add that i got a C+ in calculus for semester. that's just grand...now watch my gpa drop from here. i had a 3.87 last semester. i wonder what it is now.1 comments
/ 4:08 PM
i stopped by clancy's after school. then he's like 'my house sucks, let's go to yours!' so yeah, then we did stuff at my house. i got to see the tattoo he got a couple days ago. we were in my room when nick and emily got home. nick made this high pitched scream like a girl and clancy couldn't stop laughing. so he slithered from my room to his after he got in there and scared him.so, i guess we'll be seeing him again in a bit longer than a year. that would suck to live in korea for that long. i would be homesick within a week. just think of me in college next year...i couldn't even get a single room so i'm going to have to have a roommate for a whole year. i'm going to die.
chris emailed me. i thought she hated me man. that's why i haven't seen or heard from shane in months. or so he says. there are some gaps in the stories he tells me.
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I'm scared
Thursday, January 27, 2005 / 2:33 PM
okay..this PERSON by the alias of 'catailna gutierrez' put some junk in my email. yeah i know, the delete button can fix that, but when i looked up at who she sent it to she knows everyone's name. brandy chris marshall,,,blehblah...and then there's my name. guess what my name is? C BITCH HO! now i don't know whether to take that seriously or not, whether that was a joke or a slap in the face, who the hell is this person anyway? whoever she is i'ma go give her the smackdown, foo'! cuz I'm c bitch ho!--------
edit: it's karen.
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005 / 10:14 PM
hey, looks like i'm gonna go see clancy on friday.the future does scare me, but i still can't wait to see what happens.
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Tuesday, January 25, 2005 / 10:07 PM
Mindfuck | 60% | ||
Sadistic Humour | 60% | ||
Artistic | 60% | ||
Sci-Fi/Fantasy | 40% | ||
Mindless Action Flick | 35% | ||
Romantic Comedy | 35% | ||
Drama/Suspense | 30% |
Movie Recommendation.
created with QuizFarm.com
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here's to the first day of 2nd semester...
/ 5:31 PM
and every beginning inevitably has an end. isn't that great?i woke up to my arm still hurting like hell. then right after i got up i got this charliehorse in all those muscles under your tongue behind your chin...you know. that was really weird. and painful. i had even started up the calcium again the night before. calcium deficiencies suck and it isn't my fault. and the protein deficiency isn't doing well either. today the fingernail that keeps splitting down the middle split like a quarter of the way down. that's painful.
so yeah. i still can't swallow right because those muscles still ache. the day wasn't so bad other than all my ailments. it'll get worse, don't worry (i'm so optimistic). we started integrals in calculus. that's finding the origin of a derivative. it's actually making sense to me. portfolio is ok. in art we finally get to start painting (it's supposed to be a painting class but we pretty much drew for the whole first semester). he told us to find an old wooden chair or something at a pawn shop so we can paint it in the style of a famous artist. i told my mom when she called later and she found me a chair right away. that was lucky. it's unfinished and everything. grease stains and the legs aren't even, but that can be fixed. economics fourth period gives me second lunch, so now i only have one class after lunch before i go home. that makes the day seem shorter. three people in our class accidentally took first lunch, hahaha. and we have to read 175 pages by friday. and then there's forensics. don't know what to think of that yet.
ever notice that my view of the future is pessimistic while my view of the present is usually optimistic? i should change that.
my mom says i can get my ears pierced, but i don't know if i wanna. actually, now that i think about the pain, no. i don't.
okay, must push that idea out of head now...i smelled something in the air today. SPRING! i actually drove to school in broad daylight today! gasp.
i dreamt of marshall again..
the thought of my ears being stabbed won't GO AWAYsoifhasoigahsdf;oiah! :'((((((
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bs
Monday, January 24, 2005 / 11:05 PM
clancy leaves in 1 week.marshall gets here in 1 week.
here are two dreams i had last night. both of equal importance, but one more interesting than the other. (well, to me anyway. in reality it's probably vise versa.) the borish one was another natural disaster dream. a huge tornado, and we couldn't go indoors. the second one...it was springtime, first day of second semester. my car somehow turned into a little convertible. i was happy to be able to have the top down "again." school was actually a pleasant place to be at for some reason. i always dream of going to different schools. this one was big, no carpets (i hate carpet), and one of those organic island things in the commons that you usually see in malls. there was a tree and some other stuff growing in there. so...i was walking in there with some friends and saw marshall closeby in the crowd. he noticed me right as i approached him, i took his hand and said "hey!" kind of like a handshake. he answered with a hi and a smile. i felt this complete love between us. everything was all fluid-motion-y. it was interesting. and then i couldn't find any of my classes, that's typical for a dream isn't it. but i haven't felt that much love in a dream for quite awhile. or dreamt of marshall without him running away or doing something he wouldn't do for that matter. i'm out.
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shady's back...shoot a friend
/ 3:35 PM
well I'm back. we decided to stay another night. my shoulder and arm are all sore from sleeping on their freakin hard matresses for two nights in a row. we went to muse comics and bought a crudload of jhonen vasquez comics. so now i have filler bunny, revenge of the filler bunny, bad art collection, i feel sick, and squee's wonderful book of unspeakable horrors. i've read everything but squee, because it's almost as long as jthm was. i almost got everything can be beaten, but chickened out because...well just look at it yourself. also watched everyone play risk with one of kyle's friends. that's about all i've done for the past couple days. other than cleaning out my room and backpack of all the previous semester classes crap...my binder is much thinner now. curse my arm. (WHY my SQUEEzing arm?! my brain has been turned to mush by more jhonen scum!)anyways..marshall says something about our dads confirming that he'll be staying here for the next while and a half, so yeah.
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Friday, January 21, 2005 / 11:34 PM
the deaths are getting closer and closer to home. my cousins' grandma gerry died in a head on collision tonight. i know/knew her because she visits them every christmas. here's the weird story. my mom took gizmo for a walk after she got home from dance class, and saw this huge green meteor fall from overhead to the horizon. she told me about it when she got back, and then called my grandparents to tell them we were going to go visit tomorrow. that's when my grandma told her about gerry. as soon as she hung up my mom started talking with gerry (my mom can talk to "dead" people). i might be picking up the talent too because i got a couple of things as well. she was sad that she couldn't see her grandchildren grow up in this dimension. she wants kelly to have her jewelry (we both picked up that it was because kelly's middle name is gerry) and maybe her dishes if they aren't too much of a hassle...she doesn't want to be buried in california, she doesn't even want kay and david to fly in there for the funeral sunday. she wants to be cremated and brought back to montana. she'll be here (on earth) for another 3-4 days to sort things out. my mom convinced her to make a few coincidences happen while we are there, and we have to help them understand that she is there with them. yep this weekend should be interesting. i commented that if we ever tried to tell david this he would yell at us for disrespecting the dead, and my mom said that was exactly what she just told her too. david sucks.so...here's the punchline. my mom looked up what meteor meant in the symbolism dictionary and it means "recent death."
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and i shoot from the hip
/ 3:06 PM
boredness. i think i might have done well on my part 2 calculus test (but not the first one). and that was after barely eating or sleeping for a couple days. why am i not tired or hungry? zoology, government, and english 12 is done with. but next semester i get harder stuff in their place. forensics, economics, and portfolio. well i'm going to go have a 3-day weekend now...0 comments
bitchslap
Thursday, January 20, 2005 / 10:40 PM
hey I talked to billy, shane, and levi all in the same day. shane bailed outta hs. got kicked out of the house and getting an apartment with levi. billy's graduating the 7th and he'll be visiting about a week before then. the people i once grew weary of, i miss. weird.kelly turned out smarter than i thought. i might have done horrible things in the right situation.
i forgot what i came here for. you suck.
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i'll see you in a walla walla
Wednesday, January 19, 2005 / 10:53 PM
i feel like i have my own personal library at my fingertips, without ever having to search for anything. certain books are drawn to me at certain times. all i have to do is start reading. today it was one i found on my bookshelf about auras because my sister had to do a book report on the other one i was reading. so during reading period i figured out that i might have a crystalline aura. ain't that funky. and that means i absorb the auras of other people really easily, which explains why i'm so empathetic, why i have to cleanse myself so much, and why i feel SICK to my STOMACH after being in stores or at school too long. there is so much negative energy everywhere i go!!!!!!!! i told you my room was evil too.my mom okayed marshall staying here too. she's just worried about me not having time to do what i want to do. yeah i definitely need alone time (another explanation for the crystal aura). also because i need to be a big sister for emily because she's really sensitive and even quieter than i am. and according to my dad, "doesn't have very many outlets." my parents tend to think i'm her hero and she would be lost without me. we hang out a lot. we're vasquez freaks. i think i freak her out sometimes...yeehaw. i don't think that will be a problem. we go to eustacia/roo/whoever's house sometimes. she should be ok. i wonder if i will be ok.
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005 / 3:49 PM
school started two hours late. i could barely get back up the hill on the way back. it took about ten minutes of backing up and peeling out. i ditched the idea of attempting the driveway, and the neighbor let me park in theirs. i even have snow tires...but the cold is gone. it's more than 50 billion degrees below ABSOLUTE zero. all the snow is melting.
yay for finals week.
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maybe
Monday, January 17, 2005 / 9:42 PM
i don't know if this is good or bad yet, but my dad says he can stay. this could lead to a whole lot of panic attacks...or none. maybe i'll be happier. maybe i'll go into hiding. maybe i'll forget about everything i just said. or all of the above. i need to get over myself and my problems.and a more short-term piece of good-ish news...all the roads are closed because it's really icy (hasn't really stopped snowing since he left and it rained a lot today). that means there probably won't be school tomorrow. that'll throw a wrench into the school system...
i slept for six hours after i got home from eustacia's party. didn't wake up til 5.
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/ 7:00 PM
i can't tell if i'm doing well or unwell. i'm feeling like i'm only waiting to get my life over with, rejecting everything i see. i found this jacket i have last week, the pockets are full of sand from the west coast, and a penny i happened to find on the ground one day. i'd consider that a good luck charm. i can't get the courage to ask my parents, i can't get the courage to write something non-pessimistic in here. the way i am perceiving things is not the way they are.0 comments
Thursday, January 13, 2005 / 2:37 PM
i cried all night and off and on all damn day. there was more than just me, i think. something is very wrong. and this just happens to be the day that my mom pops a surprise doctor's appointment on me. my prozacless days are over, and I don't even care.2 comments
Wednesday, January 12, 2005 / 6:25 PM
hmm...it took my mom 4 hours to get the truck fixed. that gave us four hours at roo's house. i sat in her wheelchair the whole time and rammed into people because it was fun. then roo's nephew came and became my parasite. she's doing okay, it's just that she's still in pain and stupid people won't quit smoking around her. how are you supposed to get better when you're inhaling THAT? now my throat hurts...bad. then on the way home my mom gave a big old speech on what the indigo children are and that we're all them...doodadooit's still snowing!
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Tuesday, January 11, 2005 / 10:31 PM
okay well i applied for housing tonight and i'm probably going to be in pantzer hall, if not, craig hall. this is in missoula. i decided to go there....yesterday. short notice i know. i first said i was going to go there, then went in a huge circle of colleges and then ended up right where i started. fuuuun.i'm going to go visit roo tomorrow because she had surgery on the 7th and hasn't been in school since.
tomorrow is an early out. nick's teacher said there might be a snow day tomorrow if yet another snowstorm hits, but i wouldn't count on it whether it does or not. you shoulda seen me this morning. i did a 90 degree slide turning onto the road to the interstate. and yes, all this was under 10 miles an hour. that's how slippery it is. and i have studded tires. it's supposed to be like 40 below for the rest of the week, and that's not wind chill. okie bye
3 comments
bad news and good news and bad news
/ 2:39 PM
oh...yeah...lovely. barely into the second week of school after break and i have a killer headache. might i add that ibuprophen doesn't work anymore so i don't know what to do. i could use some help.but the GOOD news is...I have internet! the lazy guy came out today, messed with the box at the bottom of the hill for a couple minutes, and walah (err...voila)!
but then when i got online, dan told me he has type 2 diabetes. i don't know if he wants absolutely everyone to know, so shut up. :(
and please excuse the following ramblings. this is my crap so i don't care what you think, it's not like i forced you to come here or anything.
Thursday 6:30 PM
You should see my planner this week. Every single line is filled. I've got three tests to fail tomorrow.
I talked to Mr. O'Brien's son today. He's going to school in Hawaii with a zoology major. How cool is THAT? He told me about all the cool courses he gets to take. Most of it is field trips. IN HAWAII!! HOW COOL IS THAT!?!? I wanna.
Friday 5.45 PM
Nothing can save us now. CenturyTel is closed until Monday. My mom called them twice today and they kept telling her to call them later and later. Then she left to go teach the belly dancing class and told me to call at 5 if it still didn't work. I called at five and the line was closed. The machine told me to call another number. I called it. They directed me to another. I called it. Then there's a bunch of confusing numbers to push so i hung up.
Saturday 1:10 PM
I think this could be my fault. I remember telling myself that I didnt want to have the internet for awhile because everything on there is boring and my blog sucks. I also told myself not to write in there for a really long time. Be careful what you wish for. It always comes true.
Sunday 1/9/05 11:00AM
Hey I figured out you could insert the date on this thing. I had some dumb dreams early this morning. It was basically a bunch of people violating me and I don't know why. Sorry about the mix of past/present tense. There was this little shop down some stairs in an underground place like the Chinese tunnels in Pendleton. I went there with some people and Devon worked there. Apparently he hates me now and asKed " hey Clarissa, you here to look AGAIN?" and I said "this is only the second time I've been here, and no, I'm leaving." He preoccupied himself with a customer and ignored me while I stayed for awhile longer just to spite him and looked at this weird stained glass skateboard on the floor. Then I left. Awhile later I was walking down the dirt hall when Devon ran out of the shop all happy and told me to turn around and shut my eyes. I gave him a look. Then he said to hurry up while the light is still like this (now how can there be windows underground?). So then I said "oh,fine,'' and did it. And then he starts kissing me. And oh great... I can't move. Drew is messing around in another room with everyone else and sees what's going on. He runs in saying "here, I'll help you!" and carries me into yet another room and puts me on a chair. He still isn't letting go of me. Then Mr. Wilson walks in through a door and says "no touching." Drew repeats "no touching" and lets go. Then I'm upstairs in a library with my mom. She's saying she read in the newspaper that there is going to be an earthquake really soon. I told her that's weird because I just dreamt about an earthquake last night. I was also wondering how they knew there would be one but no one ever answered me. A few minutes later everything started shaking. It kept getting bigger and bigger and soon the library started sliding down the hill. As it picks up speed people are screaming (how can the lights still be on?) and I know we're all going to die. I keep telling myself this can't be happening, what about Marshall? But we all crashed and died anyway because I woke up. Dream number two...someone unmentioned above and I are talking and doing stuff I don't want to say.
Does anyone know what any of this means? I don't have feelings for any of these people, but all three of them have for me at one point or another. but about the earthquake and devastation dreams, I have those all the time. that started even before the earthquake in polson happened a couple months ago.
And I wrote this whole thing using transcriber. Doesn't that suck...and now it's 12:23.
Monday 1/10/05 5:00 PM
Coffee makes me really tired. I did all my homework in three hours today. Savanna liked my t-shirt design so much she's going to bring a shirt tomorrow to steal it. I'm doing the same for her design. Hers is some sort of Chinese character probably meaning ''kick me" or something. Never know what they could really mean. Stupid Americans.
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mediocrity is watching you
Sunday, January 09, 2005 / 5:44 PM
i have really sick dreams. you'll be hearing more about it later, unless i chicken out about telling you. just know that i'll never tell you the worst of it.zoology test tomorrow. 1 antennules, 1 antennae, 1 mandibles, 2 maxillae, 3 maxilopeds, 1 chelipeds, 4 walking legs, 5 swimmerets, 1 uropods, 1/2 telson. didn't know a crayfish had so many pairs of appendages did you.
my dad says i should consider pharmacy school. yay...drugs.
i went to eustacia's house and went crazy last night.
yeah...the entry written in the ppc is getting long so, i'll keep this short.
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fuckity fuck!
Saturday, January 08, 2005 / 4:05 PM
between my mom and I, we payed them 3 calls yesterday, and three more the day before that, and they kept telling us to wait longer and longer until calling them again...until they were closed!!! and here's the great part: they won't be open again til monday! don't i just feel...loved. i'm just telling everyone now...we won't have the internet again for awhile.i dunno. i just have to find something good that comes out of this. i wrote one explanation on my ppc last night, i guess i'll paste it on here when the DSL works again (let's just hope that actually happens). i'm going to bed earlier because there's absolutely nothing that i want to do. i've spent extra time cleaning out my aura every day and stretching. and eating a whole lot of chocolate...okay so that's bad. did i mention going insane? there's quite a bit of that. i've been wandering around my house yelling random things at my siblings. and also silently walking into my parents' bedroom when they're watching TV and staring at them. they think that's creepy. my mom says i have withdrawal symptoms.
there's this book my mom is lending me called 'nothing in this book is true, but it's exactly how things are,' and it's taken me since this summer to read through the whole thing (no i'm still not done with it yet). it's not that long, it's just that there's so much information in it that i can only soak it up in small amounts. the strange thing about this book is that whenever i read it, i read exactly what i needed to hear at that given point in time. last night i read some of it...and there was a chapter about how to complete your negative energy, which i had quite a bit of at that time, being all angry and deprived about the internet "providers." so yeah. i'm not nearly as violent and depressed as i was last night. but i'm also getting the feeling that PMS has a little to do with that. poo.
today one of my old "friends" called. she was mentally insane and annoying. she wouldn't leave me alone because she had no friends and i was nice. but she seems to be a little better. sari tells me otherwise. but it was nice to hear a familiar voice on the phone after being so cut off from the world for a week and still counting. that's the reason she called too.
I think it's funny when i walk into the ER and ask for Dr. Palmieri so i can use the internet. it really is an emergency when i'm dying from lack of blog reading.
i had a lot more to say but i have forgotten it.
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Tuesday, January 04, 2005 / 7:39 PM
internet still broken. the ready light stays on now, it's just that the whole thing DOESN'T WORK!!!! there's supposed to be someone coming up to fix it tomorrow, but who knows how that will go. grr.billy was in front of the school with seneca this morning. he said he tried to come over during christmas break but i wasn't there, and he had a present for me. the hint was that he got it from walmart. woo! oh well.
hey guess what. it's COLD!!!!!!
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Monday, January 03, 2005 / 6:30 PM
suck. my internet at home doesn't work today so i got to go to my dad's office at the hospital. it's so nice...plasma screen and everything. but it's aggravating that i tried to get the ready light to quit blinking for four hours straight. must be the weather or something...i don't know.trying to get used to school again is like being brainwashed. i think my mom told me something like that several years ago. something like most things they teach us are lies and whatnot. and then the little freshman people getting on my nerves. most of the time they're tolerable...but yeah. like james' battle axe that he got jipped out of on christmas. at least savanna humored me today. we're silkscreening tshirts for painting class. i still don't know what i'm doing for that...
well better get back to "doing homework..."
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rotting
Sunday, January 02, 2005 / 9:54 PM
Christmas vacation was supposed to be for catching up on sleep, but I've gotten close to zero. To top it off, I might not be seeing Marshall for the next 3-4 years. And he might die. I need a way to occupy my mind when he's gone...or dead. SHITI've become a dependent soul. Kill me.
As soon as he left I started decomposing. I haven't picked up a guitar in months. I seem to be hating everything. After this day there will be no time left to do anything. I'm going back to school, and that means no free time or healthy mind. Not that it's healthy now or anything. I feel like i'm dying.
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/ 4:31 PM
back to horrible relentless hell. i feel really uneasy and discontent today. everything terrible is happening. i'm going to bed.0 comments
a space of time and waste
/ 1:08 AM
went to whitefish with marshall and his momma again. almost didn't get to go...damn the snow. i get the feeling i'm not going to be seeing him for a long time. i don't wanna go back to school. i never want to think again. everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhi.
i have found proof that my brother wasn't one of those babies switched at birth. he has the same notch in the bone on the left side of his chin as i do. except his is...huge. i wonder if my sister has one...genetic malfunctions can be fun.
except for my fucking double-jointed jaw.
sigh...
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