disclaimer

Closed course. Do not attempt.

profile

KiSSaDiLLa .
23.
September 8 .
Yoga. Craftin. Travels. Rock shows. Vegetarianism. Medical Technology.

talk

tagboard here(:
width should NOT be more than 200px.

here i am...

myspace
facebook
steepster
dailymile
food-related blog
bodymod
youtube
twitter
ravelry
gaia
deviantart

credits

hazirah ferny dust

Monday, May 31, 2004 / 2:08 AM

this avril song reminds me of last year...no hate, just fun. we got some food at mcdonalds and ate it at the park. clancy bought alka-seltzer to see if seagulls really do explode. he smashed them up and wrapped them in bread and threw them at the seagulls. they ate them. they didn't explode. at least while we were there. we played on the merry go round. i was still eating my cheeseburger. i was the last one off, lying in the middle watching the sky spin around slower and slower. devon aggravated me trying to take pictures of me with his disposable camera.

why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

/ 2:00 AM

launch told me i can't listen to any more music for the rest of the month. they have stupid limits like that now. i hope they know i've been listening to it since 7th grade. they should give me special privileges or something. back in the day you could listen for as long as you want, could skip songs as much as you want, and like 2 commercials an hour. hell, they weren't even merged with yahoo yet. yahoo sucks. i typed all this with one hand. the mouse is sleeping in my other one. yea i'm bored. bitching one-handed over a freakin net-radio site at 2 am. at least tomorrow is the last day of this month.

/ 12:40 AM

billy's going to come visit next weekend.

Sunday, May 30, 2004 / 11:52 PM

You're Perfect ^^

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
places. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I think that Hellraiser Hello Kitty was a lot more fitting...don't you think?

/ 11:36 PM

I've had animals sleeping on me all day. first it was my cat. then it was the baby mouse my sister found in the kitchen drawer last night. it's so tiny. i fed it some pineapple and it went hyper. but now it's sleeping again. in my sleeve again. it likes milk too.

-Me

So close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters
trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know
so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know
never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words I don't just say
trust I seek and I find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters
never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and I know
so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
no nothing else matters.

-Metallica

Saturday, May 29, 2004 / 8:22 PM

hell raiser

completely fucked!

what fucked version of hello kitty are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Feel my kitty wrath.

/ 8:16 PM

I watched a movie about a school shooting. it made me want to shoot people. and hug both the guys that killed everyone. am i disturbing you?

/ 6:35 PM

it's 6:36. I slept most of the day. I have a bad case of cramps. In between napping I made macaroni and cheese and peanut butter balls. Kelly also called to see if we'd be going to visit her...but my mom decided not to. what a crap weekend. it's STILL raining. I like music.

Friday, May 28, 2004 / 9:56 PM

ah yes, good old dan conversations... I am dupe.

Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: wanna run around?
dupe: my head hurts
dupe: *runs around anyway*
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: aww
dupe: *screams OWWW MY HEAD!!!!!!*
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: you dont have to run around
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: *carrys you around*
dupe: *MMMYYYY BBRRAAAAAINNNN*
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: *licks your brain* mmm brain
dupe: mmm head cheese
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: where?
dupe: my brraaaiainnn
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: oooo
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: *nibbles*
dupe: *rips brain out of yeah and gulps down*
dupe: yummeh
dupe: head*
dupe: that was weird
dupe: why did i say yeah
dupe: oh yeah, my brain is gone!!!
dupe: weeeeeeee
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: eeeeeeeeee
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: i wanted some
dupe: the spinal cord didn't go down too well...would you like the rest of it?
dupe: :D
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: yay
dupe: *pulls out of throat and hands it to you*
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: *nibbles on it*
dupe: no, you have to take a big chunk out of it like this! *rips huge piece off with teeth*
dupe: *crunch crunch*
dupe: *swallows loudly*
dupe: mmmmmm!
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: oh
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: ok
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: well im full now
dupe: that's too bad, i'll just take the second course by myself! *eats your brain by swallowing your head whole*
dupe: ahhh
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: um
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: you just ate my head
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: i thought i was scary
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: are you sure you want to eat my head?
dupe: how should i know, my brain is now in my stomach
dupe: and so is your head
dupe: mwahaha
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: oh
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: hi clarissas brain
dupe: my head still hurts
dupe: you would think all the nerve endings would have gotten ripped out or are dead by now
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: im sorry
Numb-devoid of sensation. devoid of emotion.: maybe your stomach acids hurt
dupe: perhaps

/ 4:56 PM

i made agua de melon for my spanish class. it's good. i put it in my 7-up. where did that name come from anyway?

dan is being an ass right now. he says it's my fault. it really puts me in a cheery mood. on the other hand i got a short email from billy. haven't heard from him since he left. shane and levi got their accordions today and they were playing them all around the school. they're loud. but cool.

i know their names now. becky. and bobby joe or something like that. oh well. becky's a good artist. and "bobby joe" got suspended and so did brandy.

back to missoula tomorrow. i want another coconut. if only it would be just as fun as it was the first time.

nick is mad that i got to get chucks and he didn't. got to get. get to got. got to get to got to get to got. there's a techno song that goes like that.

saw devon after school. but he left too fast for me to even talk to him. ass.

when i 'grow up', i wanna move to missoula and be a hippie.

but seriously, this canteloupe juice is good.

what's your battle cry? |
mewing.net | merchandise!

/ 9:30 AM

scott keeps hauking up in the sink and it's rather disgusting. at least he's listening to a decent song. AC/DC is cool.
do i complain a lot?
there's nothing to say. "geology" sucks.

damn you, scuba steve.

Thursday, May 27, 2004 / 11:04 PM

now i know what calculus is gonna be like. just eight kids, in a room doing math. we "smart juniors" are the ones left after the seniors got out in our math 4 class. now it's boring without the lazy complaining guy seniors.

i love doing the simplest things. how is that so when i'm such a complicated person? i guess that makes me even more complicated. walking for instance. this summer i feel like walking up to the very top of the hill/mountain closeish to our house. and music. i just sit here every night, listening to old bands, older bands, and newish bands. i like staying up til the early morning hours. i love sleeping, just don't get much of it...i especially love reading marshall's letters over and over again...hence my boringness and patheticness.

This guy is my hero.

/ 10:30 PM

i'm so boring and pathetic.

/ 7:36 PM

Emotional Wreck. You are extremely emotional. You
feel contentment moreso than happiness and your
emotional lows are to the extreme. You need to
cheer up and start enjoying your life. Where
there is rain there is a rainbow and you need
to see it more than others. Do something that
makes you happy.

How Emotional Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

FIGURES!

/ 9:32 AM

wow, mr. rogers isn't giving us any more assignments for the rest of the year. that's six more days of...internet. there are only four people left in this class after all the seniors got out yesterday. this is bogus.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004 / 4:36 PM

the guy with the texas drawl and the girl with the southern accent join in. it's like stoners united or something.

I don't know their names.

but they say hi and talk to me. the texas guy keeps making fun of me because i "do nothing all day" and always asks me where i'm going.

three different times the girl goes outside and yells to the world that she isn't a virgin. that's nice.

but i saw lyle today. he's cool. a cool stoner. that's like an oxymoron. but he's cool.

/ 4:34 PM

blue chucks

what color chucks are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, May 25, 2004 / 4:02 PM

so i go the the drivers' license place during sixth period and wait for an hour. when it's finally my turn in line i go up there and she says she announced she was done with driving tests half an hour ago. great.

Monday, May 24, 2004 / 8:20 PM

"so, did you talk to anyone on your field trip?"
"no."
"nobody at all?"
"nobody."
"why not? it seems like that would be a more comfortable place for you and maybe you'd open up a little."
"..."

/ 4:37 PM

today was the geology trip. we went to the peoples' center first and got a tour, and then to lake macdonald. it was cool there. we went hiking for three hours. i wanna go do it again. the guys walked up from the path and pushed huge boulders that fell all the way down the mountain we were walking on. it was funneh. mr. rogers got considerably mad.
i got a long lengthly phone call from devon late last night. he's good at telling me stories. and says it shouldn't matter to me that he smokes pot/drinks. but it does. it turns into a lifestyle, one that will only bring me down. i can't be around people like that for too long. sure i can be friends with him, it's just that i'm not going to be his girlfriend again. i can't get too close to someone like that. everyone thinks i'm insane for not liking drugs. i guess i'm insane then. woohoo.

Sunday, May 23, 2004 / 5:52 PM

this thing is messing up the dates. "friday"s post had posts all mixed up from both friday and saturday. but oh well.

yesterday when we went to get movies there were these people in a car heading out of the parking lot and when they passed me they flashed this psychedelic "sexy" sign at us. i was the only one that saw it and i laughed. i should try that sometime.

well, today we headed back home as planned. it rained as usual. and we had that piano recital. it was ok. but emily freaked out and cried the whole time. i had to go before her it was so bad. and then my mom had to walk her up there. i'm glad it's over. but em's probably even more glad.

Friday, May 21, 2004 / 11:19 PM

and today we went shopping all around missoula. i got a pair of shoes. and we all had an orange julius and a pretzel. then we rented cheesy horror movies and watched them all. it wasn't such a bad day. i'm not looking forward to tomorrow though...

/ 11:19 PM

might i also mention that kyle likes altoids a little too much.

/ 11:19 PM

i'm at my cousins' house. we cracked open the coconut i brought and kyle video taped us trying to drink the coconut milk without gagging. kelly failed miserably. she threw up in the backyard. nick and kenneth almost did too. kyle, emily, and I swallowed. we are the champions. i don't like coconuts that much, but it's just that they're so fun. i mean we were throwing around the thing for like two hours beforehand. it's like coconuts make us drunk or something. it was like passing around a really strong alcoholic beverage. the tape was pretty funny.

/ 4:34 PM

my old friend told me she said hi to my old best friend today and she said "oh my god I forgot to write her!" well, atleast she remembers who I am. maybe this means i'll be getting a letter from her soon. she must have been up to a lot, since she forgot about writing me for a whole year and all. bah.

Thursday, May 20, 2004 / 11:12 PM

I got another letter from marshall today. and an email saying that he figured out how to send emails at school but he still doesn't know how to read them. damn.
well...um...there was a cool storm today. with lightning and thunder.
i have a headache. i want a good night's sleep.
my brother has to get braces. haha.
i had to sell ads today. it sucked and i panicked the whole time. i almost cried. i suck. the WBC bought one though. but there was a guy at WBC that has a skin condition like my brother does, he(my bro) gets welts all over his arms if he goes out in the sun for even five minutes. the guy said that he got checked out at his dermatologist and he gets shots every few weeks and it helps a lot. now my brother is freaking out because they have to draw blood to see what he has, and i showed him the dimple in my left inside of my elbow from when they had to take blood from me.
10.5 days of school left...and i'm going to missoula tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004 / 5:19 PM

here it is.

it is the only tab on the internet that is phonetically correct. and you don't even have to drop-d tune! because that would suck.

/ 2:41 PM

and I got an 80% on my test! hey, that's pretty good for history.

and I'm tabbing a song in great detail (tired of waiting for you by green day, originally by the kinks). maybe i'll put it on my website someday. and maybe i'll upload the song to my website if i get a request. it's on my computer RIGHT NOW. gasp.

/ 1:21 PM

shane gave me a hug. maybe he doesn't hate me.

today was an early-out. i spent the whole school day staring at a computer screen...and guess what, i'm doing it again. not my fault i don't have a license, don't have a job, don't have any friends to hang out with. i try. mostly.

i got an a on my term paper. the one i only had to use half my notecards for and still got two pages over the limit. there was only one comma missing. he said it was really good.

i found a lone sprite in the fridge and i'm going to spend the rest of the borish day drinking it. farewell cruel world. for i have a SPRITE!!

Tuesday, May 18, 2004 / 10:02 PM

i'm rotting, my friend is i wuv you---

I'm rotting inside/my flesh turns to dust/whisper "are you dying?" in my ear: *blinks*
I'm rotting inside/my flesh turns to dust/whisper "are you dying?" in my ear: *eats a peanut butter sandwich in less than 2.538 seconds*
i wuv you: impressive.
i wuv you: *runs around and head butts a wall*
I'm rotting inside/my flesh turns to dust/whisper "are you dying?" in my ear: *gasps on impact*
i wuv you: *falls over and just lays there*
I'm rotting inside/my flesh turns to dust/whisper "are you dying?" in my ear: *gulps*
i wuv you: *lays there*
I'm rotting inside/my flesh turns to dust/whisper "are you dying?" in my ear: *gulps and gasps spazmatically*
I'm rotting inside/my flesh turns to dust/whisper "are you dying?" in my ear: oh excuse me, i was just drinking this mega-mug of coffee
I'm rotting inside/my flesh turns to dust/whisper "are you dying?" in my ear: *gulp gulp gasp gulp gulp gulp gulp gulp gasp gulp*
i wuv you: *lays there and wishes i was dead*
I'm rotting inside/my flesh turns to dust/whisper "are you dying?" in my ear: *wishes she were dead too because she drank too much coffee*

/ 9:06 PM

most of our happiness is based on false feelings. sometimes you just don't know why you're having a good day, it's just a feeling, nothing that's in the real world. and if it's something in the real world that you're anticipating, it almost always never happens, or it doesn't turn out quite the way you wanted.
sometimes the same goes for depression. sometimes i just pass away my shitty days in a bad mood, for no real reason. on those days i think i should have every reason to be happy. other days they're just plain shitty because 'the real world' is a shitty place to be.
i guess that's why people do drugs and whatnot. it gives them more false happiness.
and in other words, all your feelings are pointless. you can be happy or sad any time you want. the only reason you can't believe it is because you don't have the courage to change.

/ 6:25 PM

there was an awards assembly today. i got an award for "excellence in journalism." i was surprised. i thought i'd just get a certificate for participating in it, but i guess i didn't. i didn't know my peers thought so highly of me. i got a little newspaper pin too, which i will most likely throw in a drawer and forget about.
the pet shop still hasn't hired me.
i played catch with my dad after school. i forgot how fun it is. i like baseball. i don't like softball though. i can't catch a softball for the life of me, but i caught all my dad's flyballs. and any other ball. my arm hurts now. i'm not going to be able to lift for a week. i'm so outta shape. bleeehhhh
took that big test in US history today. it sucked. i hope i got more than a 70. i'm over history classes. next year will be worse, i know. damn it.

Monday, May 17, 2004 / 9:09 PM

my parents both came into this world as "successful people." they were both track stars, my mom was even a cheerleader. i sometimes wonder what the hell happened when they had three disfunctional kids in their later years. come to think of it, they've both become disfunctional themselves. what is the world coming to?!?!? we're all in desperate need of mental help.

on a lighter note, i painted my fingernails metallic sky blue. "just for giggles," in the words of Mr. Hogie.

Sunday, May 16, 2004 / 1:24 AM

just a little freestyle in attempt to cure world hunger...(?)

does happiness make you feel disheartened, forgotten?
does love make you seem lonely, corrupted?
i need a way out of here
a way to find myself again
a way to rid myself of the same old memories
to free my mind from insanities
i want a day away from myself
where i can sigh away all my regrets
i want to be alone
so that i can be with someone again
i can't wait for yesterday all over again
so i can have faith in a better tomorrow
just one more dry glance
and i might drown myself
i want someone to tell me the truth
so i can quit lying to myself
the more pain i can feel
the more i'll feel worthy i'll be
of something i'll never deserve
happiness

/ 1:01 AM

maybe my day wouldn't have been such a waste if i had called devon. he gave me his cell number. i could call him right now. i wonder if he's asleep.

/ 12:58 AM

my life is so boring. don't you think? all i did today was clean all the windows in the house (which is a lot), fall asleep in the freshly-mowed grass, get movies at top 40, and watch them. it's 1 in the morning. i'm listening to a 13 and a half minute iron maiden song. it's pretty cool.

/ 12:29 AM

devon asked me to go out to brandy's today but i didn't want to ask my parents because they never want me to see him again. i don't exactly know why i still would want to. i guess it's because i've known him so long. it's a rare occasion that i get to be friends with someone for more than three years. we know each other well, we can really actually talk face to face i think. without having a panic attack. from reading yesterday's post you can tell that i freak out a whole lot. with devon it's not like that.

Friday, May 14, 2004 / 11:10 PM

i feel so illegitimate. how is it that everyone always knows exactly what to say? they just say something and it seems so perfect and well thought out. flows right out with a smile, it seems so second nature to them.

when i say something, it's weak, stammered, worded wrong. and usually i just don't know what to say and stand there like an idiot.

/ 9:03 PM

i'm just totally unenlightened right now...so i'm going to give you this day through the eyes of me.

my radio wakes me up at 7:15. i don't wanna get up but i do anyway. threw on some clothes, went downstairs to eat a toaster waffle and a smoothie my mom made. got ready to leave and drove everyone to school. dropped off my chemistry book and lunch in my locker. walked past brandy and karen at another table. sat at the table i always sit at. levi waves, christina keeps throwing glares at me. the bell rings, i leave for mod 1 spanish 2. that class was pretty uneventful, walked back to the school the long way and it was cold, put my coat in my locker and cole said hi. first one in geology class. shane walks in, skippy says she's surprised he's early for once, he says yeah and he should probably go out there a couple more minutes. he sits behind me but doesn't say hi. the bell rings. rogers talks about how meanderthals are related with geneology, tells us to go look for stuff on the internet. i do what i'm told. shane goes over with skippy as usual. i try to ignore it and pretend to be interested in homosapiens meanderthalis. about 20 minutes later he sneaks over and says a couple words of what was on my screen. i felt like my fake interest in an ancient monkey man had been exposed. i felt inferior. i didn't say anything. he squeezed my shoulder and left. the tardy nazi man comes in and asks for shane. i take more notes. he comes back and tries to poke me in the stomach. i take more notes. i leave, pack my bag. eddy comes up and tells me something about scott's had too many pills. scott comes up and says he took three headache pills this morning and he feels numb all over. great, i think. smile and nod, just smile and nod. the bell rings. get my chem book and take a chemistry quiz. three fill in the blanks that i have no idea about, otherwise not bad. chem book goes back in the hole, on to history where we listen to more presentation. briney says we have a big test tuesday. i'm probably gonna bomb it. then i get my lunch from the hole, sit down and eat. brandy and karen whisper things i can't hear. they dump their trays and leave. i finish and get my math book and do some chemistry homework til the bell rings. first to math class. took a quiz on arithmetics and geometrics. third one done. i stare at the wall and think of marshall. the bell rings, half the class isn't done yet. math book in the locker, space out all the way to salishian room. mrs. woodhouse says to write down all our contributions to the senior issue because we just sent it yesterday. then she tells me to staple the point sheets. as soon as i'm done she says we don't need them anymore and we'll use them for issue 6. i write my stuff down on the computer, everyone else is in the other room. lizz comes in with melanie and open the woodhouse tribute page, lizz shows me. this year she's marilyn monroe with the skirt blowing up. i say cool, smile and nod, just smile and nod. they leave. then they come back with mahoney, laughing their asses off. i couldn't come to a conclusion of what happened, something about kiel rafter. i really wanted to know. i printed off my thing and took it to the table where my bag was. the bell rang and i left. advanced studies...went to the art room to do my project. went back before the bell rang, when it did went to my locker. headed upstairs, glanced at the table where everybody was. they were all happy and talking. walk by, just walk by. gallop up the stairs. down the hall. through the crowds. through the parking lot and car exhaust. unlock the car. get in the car. turn on the radio and waited for about 20 minutes til my sister showed up. then brandy and karen walk to brandy's car, brandy notices me and waves. I smile and wave. they pack all their stuff in the car. brandy says bye. i say bye and smile. my mom finally shows up, saying she was looking for my sister. nick went to canyon's. she gets in and we leave. she needs milk and some dishwasher soap. we try to go to super one but half the parking places are blocked off so we go to sinclair's. we go home. i get on the computer for awhile. i drive to canyon's house to drop off nick's bag, then to KOA to cancel the reservation because the weather is bad. the guy gives us a tour of the place. they have four cats that are very friendly. gizmo barks at them the whole time. we leave and then watch joan of arcadia. that show is a whole lot like my life. i make ramen and open a can of peach juice and bring it down here. a perverted person IMs me, i shove him on his way and open media player to play music. then i go to blogger.com and type all of this.

Thursday, May 13, 2004 / 10:17 PM

I found something to write about. I was just talking to my friend about when I broke my arm. Somebody pushed me at the skating rink, landed on my ass trying to catch myself between my legs with my right arm. Then the lady that ran the place went up and yelled at me for 'sitting in the middle of the rink' and didn't even try to help me, didn't even notice my bent and swelling arm. not like i could get up anyway, i had skates on and only one arm to get up with. and the friend i went there with didn't really even care either, and especially her brother. he was like yeah, whatever, you're just whiney. my mom did care though. she really did. she's the only one who always has. we went to the ER, the lady took x-rays and made me twist my wrist palm side up the wrong way. it hurt like hell. it was broken all the way through one bone and most of the way through the other. later i found out that my mom had a dream about me breaking my arm the night before and thought it wouldn't happen. the next day was thanksgiving. i got up to watch the parade and my arm was really really swollen and my skin was digging into the fiberglass of my splint. that was just as painful as the break, but more annoying. i hope they don't make splints like that anymore. it's retarded. don't they realize your arm's gonna swell up when they make them?

/ 9:37 PM

I feel like writing a great deal of something meaningful in here but I really don't know what...

Drove around some more. My brother did the same thing and it's getting old. he keeps talking about 'souping up' my car and i really don't want him to do that. i mean he's 11 years old for god's sake. i need a new carbuddy. volunteers anyone??

i miss Marshall like hell. there's nobody to talk to at school. but brandy gives me a one-liner every once in awhile just because she figured out i'm going out with one of her good friends. so she thinks i'm 1% worthy now or something, even though i haven't changed at all. the only one that changed was her. i don't really like what she's become. we used to be pretty good friends. now she smokes weed, parties, does dumb things that she won't shut her mouth about. how about talking about the meaning of life or something? it's a lot more interesting.

I feel like a hater. do i sound like miss high-and-mighty? i'm not. i'm like...miss loser. i've lost everyone.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 / 11:03 PM

eye gawt uh leddur. from marshall! eeeeeeeeeee

ayund eye gawt mai cawur too daee. i drove my bro around, he found the rap channel and west-sided everybody...retarded but funny. bai bai

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 / 10:08 PM

aahh...I've been dying to hear the offspring all day. don't know why. especially 'staring at the sun'
I had to place ads for the senior issue for five and a half hours after school today. fun...
and about the car...now he says i'll get it tomorrow. whatever.

hey, in walla, i'll see you in the walla walla...

Monday, May 10, 2004 / 10:05 PM

Dear Mr. Nobody,

Shane is an asshole.

I'm pissed off out of my mind!!!! HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO DUMB?!?!?!!! AAAHHHHHHH

(I'll get over it.)
(Just kidding.)

And by the way, I have no friends left. Shane told me to my face that he can't be my friend anymore because his girlfriend is so god damn jealous. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I feel like he's been bullshitting me for the past three freakin' years. He was my only friend left.
Marshall hasn't even tried to get a hold of me. I heard about him calling everybody else all the way last week and he hasn't even TRIED to get a hold of me yet. nothing.
I wish there was something to hold on to. I feel like I'm the only person who has any common sense whatsoever. In order to find a friend, am I supposed to drink, smoke, do drugs, do the next guy I meet?...the answer is yes. but no. that's exactly what I lost 90 percent of them to in the first place.
Mr. Nobody, you're my last one left. You've been with me all my life, but I've tried pushing you away the whole time. I tried to ignore you, to see through you. I realize now that you're the only one who won't betray me. Nobody is just fine with me, as long as I never turn out to be just like one of those people who take pleasure in watching me hurt.
thanks christina, you've been so kind. I take so much pride in crying myself to sleep every night. I hope you find pleasure in making Shane buy you everything you've ever dreamt of. Did you know that buying shit at stores makes me sick?? but more than anything, it's jealousy. I've hated jealousy all my life. It leads to hate, distrust, and way too much loneliness. Jealousy is selfish and immature. aren't you glad that I'm alone in the world? are you smiling right now?

excuse the sarcasm, if you thought that any of it was sarcastic.
Thanks for reading my crap attack, Muszzy.
and Dan too, thanks for trying to be there for me...

Sunday, May 09, 2004 / 9:44 PM

I'm supposed to get my car tomorrow or the next day. We shall see.
I was going through my cd's today and came across a couple that Clancy gave to me. I listened to them again, they're pretty kickass.
I'd like to bitch about a few people right now but those people are so ass-y that it's not even worth my time.
Man, I really miss the old times. I know I shouldn't be doing that...but seeing the way everyone has become just makes me sick. Am I the only intelligent life form left?

Saturday, May 08, 2004 / 4:38 PM

Hola. I get to be home alone all weekend because I have too much homework. it's so fun. I took a bath. I haven't taken one of those in years. and I wore my pajamas all day. and i ate macaroni and cheese and peanut butter and jelly and pineapple and sunchips and donut holes and sunchips and peanut m&ms and i listened to loud music. and believe it or not, i finished my homework. really. i did.

Friday, May 07, 2004 / 8:46 PM

Anyways...I like that Queen song, Bohemian Rhapsody. It's an interesting song. I have lots of things to say, just don't know how...I think. and I think I'll post later...I think. I think. Maybe I should quit thinking and type something profound.

Saturday, May 01, 2004 / 1:48 AM

Good morning America.

I needed somewhere to unload.

On myself.

So...here I am.