Monday, May 10, 2004 / 10:05 PM
Dear Mr. Nobody,
Shane is an asshole.
I'm pissed off out of my mind!!!! HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO DUMB?!?!?!!! AAAHHHHHHH
(I'll get over it.)
(Just kidding.)
And by the way, I have no friends left. Shane told me to my face that he can't be my friend anymore because his girlfriend is so god damn jealous. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I feel like he's been bullshitting me for the past three freakin' years. He was my only friend left.
Marshall hasn't even tried to get a hold of me. I heard about him calling everybody else all the way last week and he hasn't even TRIED to get a hold of me yet. nothing.
I wish there was something to hold on to. I feel like I'm the only person who has any common sense whatsoever. In order to find a friend, am I supposed to drink, smoke, do drugs, do the next guy I meet?...the answer is yes. but no. that's exactly what I lost 90 percent of them to in the first place.
Mr. Nobody, you're my last one left. You've been with me all my life, but I've tried pushing you away the whole time. I tried to ignore you, to see through you. I realize now that you're the only one who won't betray me. Nobody is just fine with me, as long as I never turn out to be just like one of those people who take pleasure in watching me hurt.
thanks christina, you've been so kind. I take so much pride in crying myself to sleep every night. I hope you find pleasure in making Shane buy you everything you've ever dreamt of. Did you know that buying shit at stores makes me sick?? but more than anything, it's jealousy. I've hated jealousy all my life. It leads to hate, distrust, and way too much loneliness. Jealousy is selfish and immature. aren't you glad that I'm alone in the world? are you smiling right now?
excuse the sarcasm, if you thought that any of it was sarcastic.
Thanks for reading my crap attack, Muszzy.
and Dan too, thanks for trying to be there for me...
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