Tuesday, June 26, 2007 / 10:33 PM
i look at my hand, it is so ready to help someone, anyone out. there is no one. they are all gone. they do not love me for who i am, but they lie that they do just the same. they will continue pounding it into my head with such a gentle, loving voice. and when they are confident i trust them they will slam the door in my face. slam it until my face breaks and bleeds. i wait patiently for the sweet release of death, but there are so many things within me that keep me alive. i have shown these things to others. but never again. they will destroy anything of yourself you give them. they will take it for granted. they will not appreciate it. they will distort it until it is mangled and hideous. it's not like i could ever love anyone else. you're irreplaceable, but apparently i am not. i don't deserve you, but i deserve to do your bidding. my mom always said never let anyone control me or tell me what to do. now i don't know what to believe.
but you promised. you asked for my hand. my dominant, left hand. you still have it and always will. i thought you were different. i know that you are. but my words go unheard.
i keep my promises, though no one else does. i will be waiting, right here. i am fixed, i am ready. but if there are no more chances there will be nothing to live for.
i am an amputee.
"my heart is yours to fill or burst
to break or bury
or wear as jewelry
whichever you prefer."
-dc
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