Thursday, June 28, 2007 / 9:38 PM
Little by little, we're becoming who we truly want to be. I can hear it in your voice as much as I feel it in my bones. There's no reason we can't become stronger, healthier, and happier every day. We've got nothing to fear in this world and everything to gain. I look forward to spending every moment of this journey with you, in one form or another. I'll always be close, no matter how far we roam. I'll always be your Love.
-Marshall
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Tuesday, June 26, 2007 / 10:33 PM
i look at my hand, it is so ready to help someone, anyone out. there is no one. they are all gone. they do not love me for who i am, but they lie that they do just the same. they will continue pounding it into my head with such a gentle, loving voice. and when they are confident i trust them they will slam the door in my face. slam it until my face breaks and bleeds. i wait patiently for the sweet release of death, but there are so many things within me that keep me alive. i have shown these things to others. but never again. they will destroy anything of yourself you give them. they will take it for granted. they will not appreciate it. they will distort it until it is mangled and hideous. it's not like i could ever love anyone else. you're irreplaceable, but apparently i am not. i don't deserve you, but i deserve to do your bidding. my mom always said never let anyone control me or tell me what to do. now i don't know what to believe.
but you promised. you asked for my hand. my dominant, left hand. you still have it and always will. i thought you were different. i know that you are. but my words go unheard.
i keep my promises, though no one else does. i will be waiting, right here. i am fixed, i am ready. but if there are no more chances there will be nothing to live for.
i am an amputee.
"my heart is yours to fill or burst
to break or bury
or wear as jewelry
whichever you prefer."
-dc
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Saturday, June 23, 2007 / 6:30 PM
if you're reading this, i'm probably dead
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Tuesday, June 12, 2007 / 10:26 PM
this is a pretty good kelly ripoff.
oh my god!
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Monday, June 11, 2007 / 8:24 PM
my mom made me an appointment to get me desensitized to mice with dr. carter, the naturopath here. so far it's working. i told her i think i'm allergic to more than just mice since it doesn't make sense that it sprang up again recently out of nowhere, so she had me go get some blood drawn so that we can send it in to get it allergy tested. so we went to the hospital and it hurt so freaking bad. i have really small veins like my mom so the lady had to feel my arm for a long time. the first poke didn't hit, and that hurt really bad because it just felt like it was sucking out my flesh. then she started moving it around to find the vein (ow) and then it didn't hurt quite as bad. it took forever though. jesus ow. then i felt nauseous for the next two hours. and i had to sit in the car on the way home with it in my lap, it was so nasty. blood from other things is fine, but my own blood just makes me want to puke. it's sitting in my freezer right now, and it's getting shipped in the morning. gross. but at least i'll know what i'm allergic to in a few days.
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/ 12:03 PM
my dad just got back from the stupid board meeting in seattle yesterday. he skipped out a couple days to go to astoria though. i'm very excited. they gave him this basket of yummy stuff, a card, a 1 year parking pass, a bunch of coastal visitor manuals, mugs, etc. they really like him. i want to go visit.
remember ginger the broken-jaw pit bull? she got boarded for the weekend. i let her out in the yard on saturday, and she jumped the barb wire fence into the horse pen when i wasn't looking. the mare, which is due to foal any day now, was running, and usually she can barely even walk, so i knew something was up. i ran around to the pen and called for ginger several times, and on her next circle around she saw me and stopped to say "hi what are you doing here, i'm having the time of my life!" and she was soaked in blood. thank god i was able to grab her by the collar right then. i thought her jaw had gotten loose. so i took her to her kennel (then i noticed the other dog she came with, Meatball, had jumped the fence too but ran around to meet us) and went to check the horse. nope, the blood was from roca. there was a two foot long long strip of skin hanging off her chest, and deep gashes in her neck and legs. i had to call the doctor. i felt terrible. i gave her some alfalfa but she wouldn't come get it, definitely bad because she's a bottomless pit. i just stood with her while we waited. the doctor actually cringed when he saw her. bleh. so then we took her out and i kept her calm while he cut off the huge slab of skin, and sewed and stapled all the bigger gashes up. god i feel like crap. how do you tell the owners something like that? this mare has lost her foal three times now, which is why she's staying at the vet to begin with, and then this happens. dogs are sooo stupid. I like Miss T though. she's little and cute and never barks. and when she's done outside she runs right back in the barn and jumps in her kennel. damn you ginger and meatball.
in other news, marshall started skool today...and the pet store lady is going to missoula today to get me some stuff that actually works for my fish's anchorworms.
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Thursday, June 07, 2007 / 11:07 PM
i tried my hand at sorbet today, and it was a success. i made up the recipe by myself, i'm so proud. :p and now i'll share it with all my imaginary readers.
Sorbeeeeeeeetttttt!- juice drainage from some canned blueberries for muffins i made (1 1/2 cup-use whatever kind of juice you want here cuz i doubt anyone has this sitting in their fridge like i did)
- 3 bananas
- 1 cup orange juice
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/2 cup sugar, or to taste
- 2-3 tablespoons coconut milk
- 1-2 tablespoons lemon juice
load up in the blender and puree. pour in a ziplock bag and shove in the freezer. smoosh the frozen chunks every 45 minutes so that it stays smooth. then eat it.
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Sunday, June 03, 2007 / 1:29 PM
it's been a really busy morning, even though the clinic was supposed to be closed. two emergencies came in at the very same time at about 9. the first was a pit bull that got out of the yard that night, and when she came back the front part of her bottom jaw was almost completely torn off. she looked ok, just in pain and not moving much. the other one was a fluffy puppy that got its neck slammed in a door. she sighed every now and then, but other than that she wasn't really breathing, and limp. the owners were all totally freaking out, and pacing, and on the verge of tears. all i could do was comfort them the best i could while we were waiting for the doctor to get there. we don't know they're either one is going to live, but at least they're still alive. XD i watched the doctor put wire around the pit bull's teeth to keep the bone from moving. he could move it back and forth like it was on a hinge, ew. and you can't really do much for the puppy but put it in a cage and see if she gets better. o.O then i helped the doctor take care of the horses. they got lots of shots and vitamins and irrigation! one has a deep gouge that's over a foot deep into her leg. the doctor shoved this huge long pair of forceps in there and he still hadn't reached the end. ewww. gruesomeness is fascinating.
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