Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the hell out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game
forfeited.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was "more humane".
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drugdealing Decepticons and could turn into a pickup. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided into two.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes. Ever.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later they discovered is the cause of Parkinson's disease.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors
Chuck Norris once made Baby Jesus cry.
Sliced bread is the best thing since Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris shaves with a chainsaw