Wednesday, June 30, 2004 / 12:52 AM
wow, i'd just love to know who exactly all those anonymous people are who wrote in my guestbook on my website...it's like my poems are life-changing or something. if i were a cat, i'd be dead by now, because i'm curious. just had to write that.0 comments
Tuesday, June 29, 2004 / 4:45 PM
I hoard all the ramen and tofu in the house for myself. my dad says i'd make a good college student. in the car he says it looks like the weather's about to get violent. i say good. he starts laughing and announces that clarissa's ready for some action. the way my dad thinks is sometimes entertaining.1 comments
Monday, June 28, 2004 / 11:18 PM
i wanna go bash my head into a wall. maybe it's just my depressing music bashing its head into me, but i don't care. i feel like bashing someone's head into something too. i have horrible jealousy problems. i want to just lash out someday and make them all feel pain. everyone else's life seems so much better than mine. am i missing something in my own life? i watch people being happy so much, and wonder what it is that makes them like that, and what makes them so outgoing and lively. all i feel is blah, and leave me alone because i want to cry by myself and you deserve more than being in my worthless presence. too many people...acting like they're my friend for five minutes and then never come back. and me, just giving up so six years ago, the third time i moved. pointless, you're only going to move away again anyway. quit talking like that, you say such stupid things. don't hang out with those people anymore...they're looking at you funny, can't you see that? quit laughing, it's not funny anymore.and now it's like...why don't you ever talk? when you do, people laugh. you have a good sense of humor when you talk, and laugh. can't you just find some people? you know you're lonely. you're a human, just like they are...aren't you? nevermind. quit being so afraid. you used to be different. you were happy once...remember? don't you remember?
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/ 6:47 PM
hot tubbed during a lightning storm, walked in the rain, shoeless or at night, meaningless babble with my sister, found the first fossil of the day at the reservoir, saw a bitteroot, found my mom's lost camera, ate like a cow, gave nick the smackdown with beef jerky, conquered the van by freezing to death two nights in a row even though i had four layers, nunchucked the mosquitoes away, said hi to a fat prairie dog, walked across the big hole battlefield, visited my mom's old house in hamilton, found a nazi barbie forearm in the road and threw it at em, went to jackson-pop. 40, a guy i know from polson just happened to be there that day and recognized me as a guitarist, and turned my legs red in the hot springs.and after all that, nothing in p-town has changed.
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Friday, June 25, 2004 / 12:34 AM
i'm so tired...this is what goes through my mind. my old friend sarah's old house when me and jeanette stayed the night...we were the only ones there, the house all dark and calm, lit by the tv playing family values '98: korn playing freak on a leash, and me just as tired as i am now, and just as wired...devon running around with me on his shoulders last week...georgia making fun of my pants...shane's little pop incident my freshman year in math 2...Marshall and I standing in the rain, and some old lady gawking at us when we were under a tree...clancy never said ow, but arthur killed my thumb for over a week, god damn it...charleton not shutting up at walmart, and ashley saving me for about 2 minutes...poor charleton, getting floored like five times a class...this guy i met on launchcast back in seventh grade, and we're still great friends. he lives in detroit and his name is peter. he's so awesome. he found this little 10-year-old gothic girl in the middle of the night in the woods with his friends about a month ago. odd...eustacia's hauntings...this craig guy i met at the skatepark after talking to him on the internet, sarah went out with him after i moved away...and jessi erickson, sarah's newest friend after i left, and i met her when i visited a couple summers ago, she died in a car crash this january.0 comments
Thursday, June 24, 2004 / 11:37 PM
man...i'm weird. i fought nick and canyon off the computer for half an hour while laughing at canyon getting killed numerous times, drinking sun tea, and throwing stuff at my brother at the same time. now i find out that i still haven't gotten that email from marshall telling me when he's gonna be visiting exactly...so my mom can't really help us out at all because my family's going on a four-day excursion out to dillon and he says he's supposed to be visiting at the end of the month...it's so vague. i hate vague. i'm so annoyed!!! ow, i popped my finger a little too hard...GRRR!! my head hurts. my mom's been asking me all this week for the exact date he's gonna be visiting too...well, if i don't get to see him, it's not my fault.0 comments
/ 1:02 AM
kawinkadink. i'm thinking about how we crap humans are so boxed up in our fake ways of life...and then 'man in the box' starts playing.0 comments
Wednesday, June 23, 2004 / 5:58 PM
devon won't quit calling me. how many million times have i told him that my mom never wants me to see him again? and i don't know...i don't like being in that house. it's nice to be with some different people once in awhile...but uhh...yeah. there's not much to do there. devon complains too much, and they're all "not there" all the time. i think he just wants to...do stuff to me. oh hey, my mom's takin me to go belly dance. woohoo, i'm in. and i'm out.1 comments
Tuesday, June 22, 2004 / 10:37 PM
FUCK!!!!! I'm bored. wasn't that profound?! I'm so enthusiastic today.I have too much time on my hands to do nothing but think. I can't get a job. not that i need the money, i've got 900 bucks in the bank that i never spend, but I just need something to DO!!! maybe i'll go out and pull some weeds tomorrow. or maybe take that hike to the minimountain behind my house. blah...devon wants me to go back to the colmans' tomorrow...screw that. that's enough battery drainage for me. in terms of both car and mind. i got my pictures back today. the ones i took closeups of different statues of the lady of guadalupe they were always blurry. always! it's creepy. didja know...i have the same bday as the virgin mary? that makes it even more creepy. and in a couple of them you can see smudges of light and stuff like that. my mom says they're angels. well, what else would they be? tonight is so boring.
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/ 2:27 AM
my cousin just sent me this. don't know quite what to make of it, but it's cool:We held hands on the last night on earth. Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees, screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves. It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river. So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea and the shattered seasons lay, and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease. In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner." The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide. We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress. The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop. The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime. I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall, but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't for two. I rode alone. You said, "The cinders are falling like snow." There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty, bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence. Of blue and grey. Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city. The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines. Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward, and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.
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/ 1:45 AM
in that banner up there, they use words i write down here and put it into google searches. that's retarded. now it's a bunch of cigarette and weed stuff. it's so lovely.0 comments
/ 1:27 AM
Understanding what hasHappened before us
We are confined to a
Darkened hidden tomb
The conquering of our world
As we knew it
Rise above this pit
Of sorrow and pain
Among the few
We are the avant leaders
We've got to live
Through this trouble and decay
This question haunts my mind
Will we survive this night?
We're harboring the meek
Will we survive the sleep?
Unsure and scared
We are planning our reprise
Revolves around this world
We don't know anymore
The odds against us
Yet we're stronger and prevailing
Learn from mistakes
Counting souls for sale
This question haunts my mind
Will we survive this night?
We're harboring the meek
Will we survive the sleep?
- Pantera - The Sleep -
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/ 1:02 AM
la la la, it's 1 in the morning!la la la, and i'm really boring!
richard (the light language teacher) came in to say hello. he just got back from glacier and he's leaving tomorrow/(today?) morning.
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/ 12:16 AM
there's nothing to do in this world. i'm bored of everything. i'm tired of movies, fast food, sports, and shopping. there should be a place to just go listen to some good music. oh wait, that's my house. too bad i'm the only one here. people sometimes ask me if i ever get lonely, but the truth is i usually don't. i'm just so used to being alone. no one worth hanging out with anyways. except for that one person, and that one other person, and that person too, and maybe that one...i found my japanese coins.
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Monday, June 21, 2004 / 4:47 PM
ya know what, i left a couple of key things out of there, but that's because people read this.3 comments
/ 12:35 AM
weed is the nastiest fucking shit i have ever smelled in my life. my throat cannot swallow. i can still taste it in there. ick. no, i didn't do drugs. hell no.devon convinced me to go to lyle's because i was bored (must have been pretty damn bored.) everyone was dying or streaking their hair black or mango-color for the rainbow gathering (lyle's family is kinda hippy). watched the very end of the second lotr in his room full of smoke. lyle would not quit smoking. joints, cigarettes, some thingy with a fan in it, you name it. finally got to go back upstairs and watch brandy eat lyle's secret ramen recipe. it's good. went for a walk in the woods with devon. that was fun i guess. then sat there on the couch watching cody play zelda. and play with the two little kids, elizabeth and something-with-an-i-in-it. they're cute. lyle called devon into his room to "talk" and after awhile came back up with his breath smelling like nasty holyshit weed. gee, some talking. then i decided to leave at like 11 and my battery was DEAD! probably from cody playing with my hazard lights...so devon found some jumper cables and started it and i left...damn everyone's asleep...i hope i'm not in trouble tomorrow but i don't think i deserve it. i went there and stayed there out of curiosity. i must be insane. argh, my throat. maybe i do deserve it. shoot me now.
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Sunday, June 20, 2004 / 12:43 AM
this whole blog is a lie, mkay? well, except for GI Joe with the kung fu grip...the class really wore me out. i lost one of the jewels out of my new ring i got from mex already. it's .925 silver and i had to buy it for 180 fricken pesos, that's like 18 dollars. stupid mexicans anyways. devon wants me to visit him before he leaves for the rainbow gathering monday. uhh...damn those mexicans...
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Friday, June 18, 2004 / 11:21 PM
i'm going to a light energy class with my mom tomorrow, and the guy teaching it is staying at our house tonight. he's pretty cool. he's always so calm, and he has a good sense of humor. it's an interesting combination.3 comments
/ 10:59 PM
listen to bob marley.0 comments
/ 2:35 AM
this morning i watched a jumping spider in my room kill the fly that was bothering me all night. die fly, die. god bless the spiders.0 comments
Thursday, June 17, 2004 / 12:11 AM
when i parked by the bank grant casey pulled up next to me with some other people in the car i couldn't identify and he was gawking at me, smiling. grant casey?? i've never spoken a word to this person. he must have been making fun of me or something. then again i never heard him say anything. maybe it was gizmo barking at him from my backseat. or that i was wearing a slightly revealing top. or the bunch of bumper stickers in the back. i have no idea...0 comments
Wednesday, June 16, 2004 / 6:21 PM
i really should be more creative on this thing. too bad i suck.0 comments
/ 6:09 PM
today was the first time i went out to do errands by myself. special. i went with my sister. i went to the bank to exchange all my extra pesos for dollars but they said i had to go to the other bank. so then we went to safeway and filled out envelopes for my five rolls of film i used in mexico. at walmart we got milk and eggs of course, and some garden stakes and gloves for my mom and a bag of lifesavers for us. then i went to the other bank to exchange the money. i only got honked at once. har har. i'm talking to this lesbian chick on the internet. it's weird. now i'm laughing at myself because it sounds so bad. uhm, bye0 comments
Tuesday, June 15, 2004 / 7:56 PM
I finally got out to my mom that brandy's on drugs. I feel better somehow. like someone's on my side.mex was really fun, but they barely gave us any time to sleep. but i don't care. it was cool. i wanna see my pics. here are some of coco's: http://www.explorica.com/TourDiary.aspx?mode=Search&username=&tourCenterCode=&languageId=11
are you paper or plastic? have a nice day.
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Sunday, June 06, 2004 / 11:48 PM
Lisa, I applaud your last entry so, so much. I totally understand. I've been there. Be strong.I have the inkling to post the whole thing on here but that would invade your privacy even worse than i am now. I'm sorry...
This'll probably be the last entry until i leave for mexico...see ya on the flip side.
yeah, this is how it hurts, this is how it hurts...I wish I could get my words out the way you do. i guess it still wouldn't change the way people see things. fuck it. all that matters is i'm not like them. and neither are you.
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/ 12:22 AM
You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.
What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Saturday, June 05, 2004 / 11:16 PM
yesterday was the best day ever. a water fight, a walk, funny conversation, tons of insane meaningless things with my sister and her friends. i invited shane, he assured me the whole week he'd be there but just as i suspected, he was not. i laugh at the patheticness, it does not bring me down. it was the best day ever without him.today i went for a walk in the horse pasture with eustacia to see the horses. it was cool and kinda scary because they were nervous around us and it looked like they were about to take drastic measure. tomorrow we will go to the harry potter movie with the rest of "us." i suspect that eustacia likes james. i almost did too but then i have to keep in mind that this guy is like three years younger than i. james is cool though.
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Thursday, June 03, 2004 / 4:06 PM
what if more people than i know of are reading this? i've put down a whole lot of people already in here. well i don't care! if you want to hear me spill my guts out, keep a'readin! if you get offended easily or you're judgemental...leave me alone. you've been warned. bye!today was a pretty sucky day.
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Wednesday, June 02, 2004 / 10:29 PM
okay, i was kidding about the eating part... even though i made a blenderful of pina colada after school today and drank most of it. it was good, except my blender is like 30 years old and can barely even chop anything on liquefy. it smelt like an electrical fire by the time i was done. i also ate 1 egg roll. and 1 piece of chocolate. wow.i am the notorious. i got myself in the back row once more before school got out for mr. hogie's class. that means i was one of the top five scorers on the last test. i was back there all of the first semester, but this one i wasn't so lucky. good way to end. bye bye hogie, have fun in las vegas.
i think i failed the semester final for math. crap. and i had to get in like the 90s to get an A for semester.
i feel like i'm talking to myself. gee, maybe i am. ¿te gusta pantera? si, como no! pero me duele el corazon...marshall debe escribir a mi todos los dias. asno!!(ese un chiste)
"you.. don't.. wanna be like me, don't..wanna be like YOU..."
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Tuesday, June 01, 2004 / 4:22 PM
I slash you with my scissors CUT!!!! brought to you by ben.lisa has not written me lately. I fear she has fled from my pitifulness. it puts a sick feeling in my stomach.
I think I eat too much. you would think I'd weigh like 140 pounds by now. people still call me a stick.
beth gave them the don't do drugs speech today. go beth. amen. they didn't listen. too bad. it was funny though.
becky calls me claire in the hall. and I had a little conversation with some 7th graders waiting for the bus. they said my brother makes fun of my sister all the time for being quiet, and especially about the piano recital incident where my sister started crying and my mom had to drag her up there. her problems ain't his business. i'd like to see him move every three years ever since he was five until he was fourteen. or atleast do something decent with himself. not possible. in a year this shit will be over...and i'll be moving on to new, different shit. how shitty.
i might go to japan with billy for a week. we're raising money. too bad i don't have a freakin' job. I only have 900 dollars.
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/ 12:14 AM
quit laughin'. NOT FUNNY!!0 comments
/ 12:03 AM
my sister's camera is a MOFO!! when i try to take a picture of the mouse it doesn't work, and then when i turn it around and push the button again IT WORKS! it did that the whole time i tried to use it!! that's like six times!! what's the difference where i push the button?! either the camera is possessed or that mouse really doesn't want its picture taken. i'm fucking serious. it creeped me out really bad. oh my god. what the hell.0 comments