Kissadilla

...progress?

2010-05-25T13:16:00.002-06:00

Hm. This deserves an update.

I graduated! In the morning was the main ceremony in the oval (outside for the first time ever!), and in the afternoon was the ceremony for the biological sciences department. Afterward, we ate at the river wok. Malissa showed up completely trashed. I was humiliated. But oh well, it was good. Then we went to the gparents' house to have cake with the fam.

What now? My aunt says the continuing education place she works at will probably be offering a phlebotomy certification course in the fall, so I will try to get into that. Past that, I don't know. I'm too sick to do anything right now.

But yeah. I've been sick for a couple weeks now. It started with a cough and led into a constant headache and tiredness, breakouts, no periods, and now my face and lymph nodes are starting to swell up. I had an "emergency" visit with my naturopath yesterday and my numbers were the worst she's ever seen in me. Basically I have a big infection consisting of candida albicans, fungi, and bacteria mostly in my lungs, skin, and lymph nodes. This is from taking minocycline (antibiotic for acne) since I was 16, which I've been off for a couple months now. I need to build up my immune system again. When you're on it, you never get sick and you feel/look amazing, but it's not worth it. So as well as being on remedies for those things, I can't have eggs, dairy, wheat, or sugar. So now I can pretty much say I'm one of those gluten.sugar-free vegans that everyone loves to hate. I'm also taking grapefruit seed extract. I was reading about it, and it sounds pretty promising. I'm not allowed to wear my anti-grinding night guard because it's poisoning me. She says bruxism is caused by infection. Weird huh? We can fix that, though. Also the sealants on my teeth are poisoning me. And no more nail polish. If anything isn't edible, it cannot touch my body. fml, lol.

She also moved the bones in my skull around to help my left TMJ. It felt weird. While she was doing that, she found a slipped vertebrae in my neck. It feels disgusting, and I never knew it was there until now. She got it to budge after a while, and now it hurts. I need to find a good chiropractor or something.

Buut...this is progress, right?

I had an amazing dream last night, but then I woke up.

I can't wait til I go to ECETI ranch!! :DDD

Oh yeah, and I signed up for a 5k on june 6. I hope I'll be feeling better by then.

Blood Into Wine

2010-05-10T12:47:00.000-06:00

I have no idea what to do for the next year. There was an opportunity in North Dakota that starts the 20th, but I don't want to go 1056 miles away to a place I've never been for an entire year. My dad made me apply anyway :\ Plus, the head lady says she'd have to send me wherever there's an opening for the intern portion because everyone else already signed up. Meh. The next one that starts would be Denver, but that place also sucks. All the rest start next summer. My options are get a lame job for a year, volunteer for a year, sit around for a year, or go back to school. Shit nig.

Anyway. Back in zoola, Spock went to visit Malissa for the week so I went to meet him. The three of us sat in the same room with our laptops on cam in bmod chat. It was hilarious. Later Eui and Robin came over and constructed Mal's stripper pole in her living room. :D Then Mal and I stayed up til 5 doing DRUGS

....Early the next morning, Spock left. Mal was upstairs crying all day. Told me they had a romance going (I'll spare the details, heh) and basically Spock was "cheating" on his "ex" for her all week. Dick! You don't lead Mal on like that! She's so broken right now. I feel so bad.

So I just chilled downstairs and helped Quinn catch bugs all day until it was time to see Blood Into Wine. BEST FILM I HAVE EVER SEEN. I laughed my ass off and I cried. And I met the producer. And he said Maynard was really hard to work with and it took them six months to convince him to do this film. I love Maynard so much. He's my favorite person ever.

Ooo. He's starring as the villain in an indie film right now. It's called Queens of Country.

missoula madness!

2010-04-30T20:24:00.000-06:00

I went to Missoula for the Used show. First I went with Malissa to get her ears punched at 8ga. Check out my awesome action shot.

Then we got gyros and greek fries, and it was 31 cent scoop day at baskin robbins! I felt fat.

The show...was great. I didn't go in the pit. I felt antisocial. Waaaay too many emos. Like woah.

The next day, Malissa insisted we needed deluxe pedicures and manicures. It was weird. The place was run by three chinese people who could barely speak english. It's like oh god, a middle aged skinny asian guy is doing things to my feet. Oh god, and now he's rubbing stuff into my calves. And now he's dipping my feet in paraffin. Wtf. But now my feet are all smooth and my nails look cool.

I got light pink and light blue. Coincidentally Mal got neon pink and neon blue, lol.
Here are my feet with kitty in a sexy pose.

And then we ate at HuHot! Soo fat now.

And last but not least, we hung out with this ancient warrior dude and touched him inappropriately.

2010-04-22T01:33:00.000-06:00

Oh gods, these hives really aren't so fun.

I went to green prom with malissa. Hardly anyone showed up. We basically helped set up for awhile, got our drink on, then hung out with the band in the back room and smoked a dooobiiiieeee. They all got extremely stoned, but nothing happened to me. I was like yay, my eyes kinda burn. Then after they played, really creepy people started showing up, and I got really antsy and freaked out. I hate bars. A whole lot. The next day I helped malissa plant some flowers and herbs. Now I'm tired, but bmod chat is entertaining me far too much to go to bed.

OHHH...I got a ticket to see The Used next wednesday. I can't believe they're coming to zoola. Beyond stoked.

Then there's going to be a meeting with my advisor about what to do about internships next week...there isn't really much to say, so I don't know why my parents do this.

My ear is ringing really loudly.

This is not a title, it's a sandwich

2010-04-19T00:35:00.001-06:00

I went and got my hair dyed yesterday. That was long overdue. I had technicolor, shaggy, split-ended hair with like four inches of roots. AWESOME

So now I have black and blond streaks...and hives. :)

I feel exceptionally lonely today.

I wonder how people find new significant others so quickly after they break up with someone else. Do they just skip being heartbroken, and this magical new person hops out of the sky? Must be.

I'm listening to music. I haven't enjoyed its sweet sounds in a long time, minus when I run.

Bah. BAH

I wish I was normal or something.

These please me

2010-04-11T13:23:00.001-06:00

I got a pair of board shorts at a thrift store last summer, and when I got home I couldn't even fit my ass in them. I tried them on yesterday and they're slightly baggy, just the way I like them. I am pleased.

As of Friday, I have lost 23 pounds. I didn't mean to lose quite that much, but the pounds just keep falling off. I am pleased.

My friend Mary from Florida, who went on our trip to Australia, is sending me t-shirts to make her a purse like mine that I posted pictures of on facebook. I am pleased.

It looks like I have three belly buttons now. I am pleased.

My mom and I just bought tickets to go to ECETI ranch for the world transformation conference July 2-5, 2010, where we will personally meet James Gilliland himself...oh wow, I am pleased. On the down side, I have to miss Skind' yet again...maybe I can do one of those get togethers another day, but still. Not everyone will be there.

The only sad thing about waffles is that they don't fill me up. DISPLEASED!

weird shit

2010-04-09T19:59:00.000-06:00

Picture time!

Here we have our diatomaceous earth after I transferred them to jars:

Reminiscent of human ashes, yes? (I've never actually seen human ashes, but still...it's creepy to look at in masonry jars)
On the left you see it mixed in mah drank and in the background you see the medications I'll no longer be taking (plus a bonus nasty wishbone). YAY!!! Btw, it doesn't taste like anything. It's just like water with a chalky sort of texture.

And here are the essential oils we got in the mail today:

I ordered grapefruit (scarring, mood, lymphatics, acne) and geranium (hormone balance). My mom ordered a ton. We just can't use them yet because Barbara says they counteract the remedies we're on right now.

I just got done leading yoga and dancing with mom's class. Haven't done that in awhile. Mom gave me a Ladies of the Lake sweatshirt to advertise with. Belly rings gone. I feel naked and ugly. Dad's home for six days. Turkey in the oven smells like ass. The weather is gay. The fields are chock full of ticks. Mom has found three on her within the past week. I'm content nonetheless. Now, what to do for deenar...

WELL...that was interesting.

2010-04-08T22:25:00.001-06:00

Well today was a bit of a mindfuck. Nick went on a band trip for spring break, so it has just been Mom and me at home. We've been having fun planning my graduation party and watching movies and scanning the interweb for upcoming montana events. I went to an appointment with her today with a naturopathic doctor lady who is also in her belly dance class. She has this device that reads electrical impulses on all the pressure points on your hands and feet. She did it to me too, and the results were rather surprising. Basically everything was waay too high. I must be dying. She also said my navel rings are seriously messing with my energy (which contributes to my being freezing all the time)...so I guess those will need to go sometime soon. They haven't been exactly happy lately anyway.

Also, this month I have decided to go without hormone pills to see if I live. I've been on them for what...seven-eight years now? She told me those are nasty things, as are the antibiotics I've been on for a similar amount of time. I'm now infected with all sorts of resistant bacteria and molds :D but anyway. I'm stopping those too, and we will be working on this. So now on top of all the severe acne and cramps, I get to deal with internal infection and recovering from shit chi due to piercings. But that's okay. This could get interesting.

Mom is even more messed up than me. She got three types of pills and I got one (they're the sugar pills you put under your tongue), and we both got prescribed diatomaceous earth...aka dirt you mix in water and drink. Mmm, tasty. Actually I haven't tried it yet. Maybe it really is delicious. XD It's supposed to help with my acne and mom's parasites.

Aaaand lastly...the lady who did this for us is from our essential oils classes, and she just ordered a bunch from India so we're trying to facilitate a little get together to mix up our own oil blends this weekend. Woo.

I can't imagine how messed up my vitals were before I started exercising and eating correctly...lol. If I think I've never felt better now, imagine how I'll feel by this summer.

In other words...I'm totally gonna go eat some french vanilla ice cream now. <3

EE star

2010-04-05T20:57:00.000-06:00

Easter was pretty fun. We watched surrogates, hitman, and some vampire movie. (Sorry, but nothing beats christmas with Santa's Slay.) We also eated fud. I don't think anything else of interest happened in that arena.

I got through my first week of census work. Now I'm down to just a few houses who won't open their door, and I can't get a new block until 1. they do, or 2. I visit six times.

I am sitting in the dark. SCARRYYYY. And I just got done watching Mallrats.

Oh hi, I thought I updated this earlier.

2010-03-29T23:20:00.002-06:00

So census training was last week, with an average of ten hours a day sitting in a desk at SKC for five days. AAHAAARRGGH! It kinda sucked. At least they allowed us overtime. It was funny how our teacher and a few more of us were those survivalists from hot springs who are just as cynical about the government as I am. I felt rather at home. For lunch every day, he ate a whole can of coconut milk with a spoon. It was weird. He said it was good for his stress. I'm tempted to do the same thing just because I love coconut so much.

I was supposed to be getting a call today from my team leader who I haven't met yet to see where I'm assigned, but that didn't happen. They're so low on employees that they are all maxed out on hours, so they don't have time to pick us new people up. (We can't go over 8/day and 40/week except for training.) Hopefully I haven't forgotten how to do everything by now...

It rained all day today. It made me happy. An old lady in the walmart parking lot fell and broke her hip, but that didn't make me happy. I also hung out at the health food store and the thrift store. I planted a bunch squash and cucumber in egg cartons awhile ago, and they're huge already. They may be flowering by the time we actually transplant them outside...

Boringgggg.

New videurrr

2010-03-21T23:15:00.002-06:00

I did this really fast just because I have attained so many subscribers. My hair video somehow has over 6,000 views now. It's kind of hilarious.

being a hippie for the day

2010-03-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

So...Malissa canceled due to food poisoning (I think I had a slight case of it myself, coincidentally), so I spent the day smelling every single tea and spice canister in butterfly herbs and liquid planet. Pretty much the definition of heaven for me. Well, maybe not the thai spice. I didn't realize there was so much cayenne in there, so I barely even had it open when I inhaled, and I could barely breathe and my eyes were watering for like 10 minutes. Better pick up some of that next time...I guarantee you it's potent! XD

I looked around for some running shoes. Shopko had the best selection and the best deals, so I'll probably pick some up there next time I'm in town. The only pair of running shoes I own I got when I was 13, no joke. It's just hard to find any that have ridiculously high arch support... On a side note, I may be registering for a half-marathon in July soon. Excited.

Last but not least, the thai cooking class was so awesome! I had met Theo before because my friend John used to work for him (manager at Iza restaurant in missoula). The classroom has a mini kitchen in the front where the teacher demonstrates, and a couple assistants plate out the food and let us eat it. AWESOME! It was delicious, all of it. Even the chicken, and I normally don't even eat chicken.

Afterwards, I roamed around the store for awhile. They have tons and tons of bulk stuff! And sooo much produce and healthy things! I did my best not to buy out the whole store.

Details in the food blog.

Hah, I accepted a challenge on dailymile.com to run 50 miles this month...but I'm still in a food coma from yesterday. Better get my ass out of bed already. Grah. Rawr. Nyaw. Ugh. Moo. This isn't working.

2010-03-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

Today I took all the dead stuff out of the garden. Things are growing already! I'm excited. I ate a chive. It was chivey.

Tomorrow I'm going to a cooking class at the good food store. The owner of Iza restaurant will teach us how to make thai food. I'm excited for that too. Also I'll be ordering my graduation stuff, taking a trip to butterfly herbs to perk up my tea stash, and going to HuHot with Malissa. Mmm, tofu!

Employment.

2010-02-23T16:29:00.000-07:00

I got the call from the national census place today. I'm hired! Training starts 3/22. Ordering my cap, gown, and graduation announcements soon. Went to the job fair at SKC today and got one lead on an internship in Ronan. They also had tasty bread sticks, but they tried to serve me hot death. gasp! Nick said it tasted horrible. This post is full of sentence fragments. It's pretty outside. I like tea. Yoga later.

A good day...

2010-02-19T00:49:00.000-07:00

I'm glad that there is always hope for new things.

Today I applied for the national census thing at the kwatuqnuk....and I scored 100% on their exam thing, so I'll probably get the job. Plus I was the only one there, and they need 200 people in lake county! Lawd.

For the book I'm transcribing for Sandra's friend, Sandra has been doing trades with me. So far I've done a Kirlian, which I hadn't had done in five years. They look much better. I also got a massage from Sandra after I got done at the census thing today. I've never had a real massage before. There were tons of knots in my back and shoulders. She also gave me the number of a chiropractor in Ronan who is looking for someone to do clerical work for her. (This is on top of a dream Lawrence had about me. He dreamed that he should introduce me to Vern, who works a hyperbaric oxygen chamber in Polson and was thinking about hiring someone medically oriented to work the front for him after business picks up. They have so many connections!)

And then I invented delicious cornbread flatbread and watched the olympics and Nick threw me scraps of his masman curry, and I almost have my hat finished.

In the meantime, I've been connecting up with my advisors to find more places to apply for...

Oh yes, and on Vday there was another essential oils class, which the main lady couldn't be there because she's filming a documentary in EGYPT!! Lucky. Sandra taught a little instead. I helped her install a program called Zyto last weekend. You put your hand on a special pad that takes electrical readings from your skin and tells you which oils you need. So I tested everyone's hands and felt important. I can't wait til my mom can meet this main lady. She had all these cancers and illnesses and a horse accident that left her paraplegic, and she cured it all within two weeks with nothing but essential oils. And she knows all there is to know about them. She's so interesting to listen to.

Lawrence is trying to figure out the correspondence between Kirlian and Zyto readings, so I'll be scanning in my Kirlians to send to him. I'll post them here so you can see how it works.

makin dis hat yo

2010-02-17T17:26:00.000-07:00

2010-02-17T00:50:00.002-07:00

didn't make it to spokane. now what?

2010-02-10T15:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to Kali to see my friend Pat. We went ice skating in Whitefish! He works at Wheatons, so I picked out some of their rental skates and he sharpened them for me. Also, his car kept dying because of this crap connection. I thought it was funny. So we went skating and we had the whole rink to ourselves...and snooped around the stores of one of Wheaton's "competitors"...and got fajitas at a mexican place...and looked around a pawn shop to burn some time before hot yoga started. The studio is between Kali and Whitefish. It's really awesome. It's done in a hot, dim room upstairs. The yoga was pretty basic, but that's okay. It seemed more restorative than anything. And I was actually warm for the first time since September! I'd pay the 12 bucks just to SIT in there for an hour and a half! Definitely my new favorite type of yoga.

2010-02-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

I've decided I'm taking this blog in a new direction...the direction of MOAR PICTURES! I like pictures.

Remember the broken sewing machine I got for christmas? We had to take it back to Kali to get it fixed. First the guy said the other guy had given us the wrong power supply (that's why the light wouldn't shut off) and gave the wrong bobbins. Way to go! I tried the machine again, and it just wasn't jivin with me. I don't know. So I tried a different machine that was a little more expensive and it was awesome. The guy said he'd give us $100 off for it, so we got that one instead. Lesson learned, the Janome Magnolia is a POS. This is the machine I have now, and it's awesome.

And so far I'm making a bunch of my shirts smaller, and I made this out of three old shirts.

Complete with pen cozies and pocket

Can you tell I'm bored?

2010-02-03T14:15:00.001-07:00

side bar updated. now you can stalk me through the majority of my web presences!

I just made another blog...for my food endeavors.

2010-01-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yay, we got to go to Eui's bday. You know you're getting old when you actually sleep at a sleepover, lol. Other than sleeping, we had a batman semi-marathon and ate goddamn batman cake. I gotted a piggy.

2010-01-17T12:56:00.001-07:00

Nick and I wanna go to see Periphery, Veil of Maya, and Animals As Leaders on 2/11 in Kennewick. But that's a school day for him, so I don't know what he's thinking. It would be the tits though.

I'm doing more computer work for Lawrence and Sandra, and Sandra's friend did this book of automatic writing that I'm typing for her. It's really interesting. The spirits' writings are way different than hers. There are two spirits being channeled through her, mostly St. Germain though. Also sold a few of my textbooks on Amazon...

We saw Avatar in Kali and it was awesome. It had a lot of stuff I've been reading about in it. I get the feeling it was us now visiting us in the future. After the earth/sun polar shifts, our consciousness will shift our DNA so that we are much taller, and we're supposed to have bluish tinted skin and catlike eyes because more of the sun's rays will be reaching the earth.

I'm still going to yoga class and running 3-4 miles on the days there aren't class. I'm taking a break today though, because my body feels like shit.

Tom has been freaking out at me for the past two days because he can't get a hold of Malissa. I talked to her a couple days ago, and haven't heard from her since. I hope she's okay.

Sewing/death metal time.

Edit: loljk, my new machine is without parts and broken so we get to take it back!

2010-01-06T01:05:00.000-07:00

So Marshall is in town for a week. He invited me to a yoga class with him. Then we went to the hot spot. It was weird digging up the past. And people hugging me. All the hugs I got today alone probably add up to the amount I've gotten in the past two years, lol. All four of them!! XD Also, through our conversations, I've come to realize just how unaware of how lonely I am. He asked me if I'd made any friends...and I'm like...no. All anyone ever wants to do is do drugs and booze and grab my ass. And then somehow it was brought up how much I get violated. And we lol'd. Oh, the lols. Oh well. At least I don't give a flying rat's left ass cheek. ^-^

2009-12-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

christmas was pretty awesome. on christmas eve we played uno for two and a half hours until the cousins showed up, then we ate dinner, went to church, and opened presents. then we went over to their house and played apples to apples. I fail at playing games. You don't even know. then we watched santa's slay, the first christmas movie (and probably the last) I've ever liked. It was SWEET! and we ate too much. we aren't allowed to open the rest of our presents until my dad gets home, but so far I have gotten that sewing machine, a DC jacket, a fluffy neon plaid vest, a water bottle, some crazy slippers, moccasins, $20, and candy. in a couple days I'll be leaving for Spokane. My mom and I are going to First Night there after my interview.

2009-12-23T23:50:00.000-07:00

so all there is to do in polson is [some combination of] drink, treadmill, bmod chat, and cook/bake. oh gods and watch tv. it's a strange but welcome change compared to the usual doing homework/school 12+ hours a day. nick won the talent show again. the talent show was awesome. we three kids opened a big present before dad left for warm springs. they are all kickass. nick got a bowl mandolin, emi got a HD camera, and I got a sewing machine. epic stoked. mom's belly dance christmas party was tonight, and for the gift exchange I got two candles and a necklace. so far I have made crescent rolls, gingerbread cookies and cream cheese frosting, squash soup, ginger squash muffins, huckleberry chocolates, caramel, christmas breakfast bread...I think that's it. we leave for zoola in the morning for c-mas eve at the g-parents. then, c-mas at the cousins'! nooommm.

2009-11-29T13:29:00.001-07:00

I'm listening to between the buried and me's new album finally! I'm only on track two but I must say it is amazing. There are only six tracks, but they're all around ten minutes long on average. Close one eye, step tooo theeee siiiiide.

T-day was rad. We ate food, played boggle and uno, and watched zombie movies. And I got my hair cut the other day. It feels better now.

2009-11-24T22:21:00.002-07:00

I'm home! It's not all that exciting yet. I did get to pet gizmo and say hello to the kitties though. yay! I want my dad to get home so we can talk about conspiracies and ron paul XD

I lost 10 pounds! I weigh 122 now. woot. and I can almost do the splits! so close.

Tomorrow I think we're starting on the thanksgiving cooking. I'm excited for making apple pie. My cousins, aunt and uncle, and gparents Nelson are coming. And also tomorrow, I'm belly dancing with my momma and then we're going to ricciardi's to see one of her students' band play.

I can't wait til school is over. I hope I pass quantitative analysis. I think I might do a series of paintings with some of my australia pictures during my break before my hopefully-internship *cross fingers*...and make hats.

It's cold. sad face.

2009-11-20T22:50:00.005-07:00

Myspace is awesome these days. All that's left are the music junkies.

2009-11-20T13:38:00.003-07:00

GAAAH I missed philosophy class...I'm so retarded. Guess I have an extra day of weekend now.

So my pants are finally fitting comfortably again! I must have gained ten pounds in Australia from all the tasty, super cheap curry, fish & chips, fresh fruit (you haven't tasted fresh fruit until you go to the tropics), damper, lamingtons...need I go on? If you ever need to get fat, live in Australia for a month like I did. Oh my Jesus. I've never eaten so much in my life. When I got back and went to a checkup, they weighed me and I was 135 pounds...dang. I used to weigh 115. So I started exercising like a mad woman (can't really run anymore due to my puffy cankle, so I'm sticking to yoga), went completely vegetarian (meat was disgusting anyway) and cut dairy almost totally out of my diet. As if I weren't a health freak before, hah. I've been eating 1100-1300 calories a day for the last month or two. It must be working because my pants aren't quite so tight anymore. I have no idea how much I've lost since I live in a third world country called UM right now. Meh, at least I feel better. It's amazing how much my mood improves when I do something so simple as changing my diet. My mom isn't going to believe me on this one. She thinks vegetarians are satan worshippers (not to mention people like me with a GIGANTIC RING in my nose. SATAN!). Yet, she has high cholesterol and a serious anxiety/depression problem. When you're a meat eater, you have a 45% chance of developing high cholesterol. Vegetarians, 15%. Vegans, 4%. I'm done with this blog now, I have to go study. School is the devil. I wish I could travel more. I miss the ocean.

2009-11-14T13:47:00.002-07:00

People are so needy.

They think they need the affection of others, may it be fake, or conditional, or even real. And they'll go to great lengths to get it. They don't even know what it is. They just go out and find someone to love for just one night. It's not like they necessarily enjoy their company, it's just fills a void for awhile.

I'm not one of those people.

But those are the people who fill my dreams with nightmares every night. They're around every corner, asking me for my phone number, if I have a boyfriend. What does it matter? Is my likability directly dependent on my availability? How absurd. I have been touched inappropriately more times than I care to count over the past two and a half years. I've been called a bitch for standing for what I believe in. It haunts me every day how unconscious everyone is.

Sometimes I wonder if there are other people like me. Introverts, lonely artists, aspiring musicians, world travelers, yogis, daydreamers and philosophers. They are hard to find, and I know exactly why. For the very same reasons I lock myself in my room every weekend. I'm okay with never meeting such people, because I understand.

It would be nice to have some company.
But I don't need it.
Especially not the conditional kind.
I know what love is, and will not settle for anything less.
I will stand up for it at all costs.
It is the only thing worth standing for.

There’s many who’ll tell you they’ll give you their love,
But when they say “give” they mean “take.”
They’ll hang ‘round just like vultures till push comes to shove.
They’ll take flight when the earth starts to shake.

Someone may say that they’ll always be true,
Then slip out the door ‘fore the dawn.
But I won’t leave you hanging on.
Another may stay till they find someone new,
Then before you know they’ll be gone.
But I won’t leave you hanging on;
No, I won’t be that someone.

And come what may, I won’t abandon you or leave you behind
Because love is a loyalty sworn, not a burning for a moment.
And come what may, I will be standing right here by your side;
I won’t run away, though the storm’s getting worse and there’s no end in sight.

Some talk of destiny, others of fate,
But soon they’ll be saying goodbye.
But I won’t leave you high and dry.
Because a ring don’t mean nothing
If you can’t haul the weight,
And some of them won’t even try,
But I won’t leave you high and dry;
I won’t leave you wondering why.

And storms will surely come,
But true love is a choice you must make
And you’re the one that I have set my heart to choose.
As long as I live, I swear I’ll see this through.

-Thrice, The Weight

2009-11-05T23:43:00.001-07:00

I'm currently listening to backstreet boys really loud while deriving all these pH values for a lab report.

IT'S AWESOME.

kind of like how I have three exams and a paper and lab report all due next week.

AWESOME.

I WANNA DO SOMETHIN CRAZY.

(Well, I pretty much already am, but ya know what I mean)

2009-11-01T14:27:00.001-07:00

HAY! I probably terrified the pants off everyone from my last post, but I don't care. Take it or leave it.

So I actually went out for halloween, which I haven't done in a long time due to it being on a weekday, social anxiety, etc. But this year I went to a big party at the broadway with Malissa. In one room was a bunch of bands, including our friend Sherie playing with her band, and in the other room was a DJ. We got there really early, and of course her tumor Brian had to come with us and they started drinking. A couple hours later Malissa got kicked out (how did I see this coming), so it took like an hour for us to get her to the car because she was so drunk. They went home and I stayed there to see Sherie play. I had no idea how I was getting home, but didn't really care either. So I went to the club and let loose! I danced with a bunch of random people (drunk girl on stage, man in fairy costume, mad hatter, etc), and eventually Billy Mays himself. When it was over he said all his friends had left him too, but his car was only half as far away as mine was. We walked half way across town and he drove me to my car at Malissa's place. I'm appreciative of that. It was quite the adventure. Lesson of the night: Being alone beats having friends any day. And Billy Mays is kind of a perv.

In other news, my ankle has been killing me lately. I went running last sunday and ever since then it feels like I've sprained it or something. No idea how that happened, but it's been feeling worse ever since. I hope it isn't a hairline fracture.

2009-10-30T22:19:00.000-06:00

Life is wonderful.

We can do better.

We can do a little better every day.

We can explore every little nook and cranny of everything around us.

Limitlessly.

2009-09-21T00:37:00.001-06:00

I'm on a boat, bitch!

my friend's unexpected acid trip

2009-09-20T22:41:00.000-06:00

Lielateforthesky (10:17:25 PM): um
Lielateforthesky (10:17:33 PM): i'm gonna be honest here right now
Lielateforthesky (10:17:42 PM): i think one of my housemates put acid in tea
Lielateforthesky (10:17:49 PM): and i just had a sip
Kissadilla 182 (10:17:52 PM): oh shit
Lielateforthesky (10:18:04 PM): smelled like alcohol in tea
Lielateforthesky (10:18:25 PM): but everything is wiggling and really high in saturation
Lielateforthesky (10:18:28 PM): lol
Kissadilla 182 (10:19:50 PM): haha
Lielateforthesky (10:21:53 PM): i'm afrAid to have a cig
Lielateforthesky (10:22:02 PM): i feel it getTing worse
Lielateforthesky (10:22:15 PM): and there's this N eed to hit shift
Lielateforthesky (10:22:21 PM): fUck
Kissadilla 182 (10:22:50 PM): I think I'm overly amused at your misfortune right now...sorry, lol
Lielateforthesky (10:23:50 PM): iT's not fNy
Lielateforthesky (10:23:53 PM): damnit
Kissadilla 182 (10:24:01 PM): lmao
Lielateforthesky (10:24:13 PM): my fingers are twiching
Lielateforthesky (10:24:18 PM): twiTching
Lielateforthesky (10:24:20 PM): vc
Lielateforthesky (10:24:22 PM): no
Lielateforthesky (10:24:26 PM): fuckinG
Kissadilla 182 (10:26:09 PM): I don't recommend you drink any more of that :D
Lielateforthesky (10:27:00 PM): i chugged what i had
Lielateforthesky (10:27:11 PM): and it's hitting me slowly but SuRely
Kissadilla 182 (10:27:28 PM): lol, but you said you only had a sip
Lielateforthesky (10:28:14 PM): at first
Lielateforthesky (10:28:17 PM): lol
Lielateforthesky (10:28:22 PM): tastes good
Kissadilla 182 (10:28:26 PM): haha
Lielateforthesky (10:29:41 PM): i feel really stimulated
Lielateforthesky (10:29:48 PM): i All ways
Kissadilla 182 (10:30:58 PM): Have you ever done this before?
Lielateforthesky (10:32:31 PM): i not sure what s
Kissadilla 182 (10:33:20 PM): ?
Lielateforthesky (10:34:43 PM): what is this
Lielateforthesky (10:34:47 PM): i'm not sure
Lielateforthesky (10:34:57 PM): i feel Weird

2009-09-18T22:59:00.002-06:00

So! I got back from Seattle nearly a week ago already. It worked out so perfectly, it was awesome. So the night before, my friend Jay was being emo because he got dumped by his stupid girlfriend and so I was like go see blink 182! and he said he didn't have a ride there but he did buy a ticket months earlier... so I said come with me! So the next morning he drove here from kalispell and we drove to spokane where we carpooled in my other friend synthia's car. when we got there we were driving through auburn (where the amphitheater is) in really bad traffic and this lady parked next to us asked where something was and we had no idea, but syn mentioned we were going to the amphitheater and she said omg you're going in the opposite direction! so if it weren't for her we would have been doing that for a long time. so we finally got there and it was awesome. all concerts after this are going to be boring as fuck. I'm slowly uploading videos on YT @Kissadilla. weezer all came out in track suits and opened with War Pigs by Black Sabbath. towards the end Rivers was like "you're about to witness me playing drums!" and started playing drums. but then he stopped and we realized there was just a drum loop playing. and then he did that for all the instruments until Island in the Sun was playing. And then we all sung it together. blink was hilarious. they made a huge scene over a kid in the pit yawning. tom said he wants to go down on oprah and give bill gates a bubble bath, but that's tom for ya. travis did the epic flying drum solo for the encore. then they played some old stuff and then Mark started singing eeeevery rose has its thorn...just like eeeevery night has its dawn...and much confetti was had by all. that night jay went to party with friends in Bothell while Syn and I drank George Killians in the parking lot waiting for everyone to fucking leave. and then we went to spend the night at her friend Edite's in Bothell. I was so freaking tired and half buzzed that I just passed out. The next day we met Jay at jack in the box, and everyone he was with were soooo hung over. it was awful. he said they finished off like three big bottles of hard liquor and a 24 pack of beer. lawd. so then we spent that day in seattle mostly in Pike Place (it's like a farmers market except epic...they throw fish at people!) and jay bought us all drinks at a bar (he had like two shots and a mixed drink...that kid really knows how to drink) and found a big arcade and played guitar hero (I'm actually decent when buzzed, who woulda thunk? I actually beat synthia who has played way more than I have) and we saw a naked man in the fountain. it apparently took three cop cars and a fire truck to get him out. lmfao. I miss washington. One out of my two internship applications for spokane are turned in though, so maybe I'll get to live there somedayy.........d'aw...god I hate weekends.

also...I've been climbing the M every day. by the end of this semester I'm gonna be RIPPED! that or I'll have really bad arthritis.

did I say what I did for my birthday? my friend john took me to thai spicy and I had awesome curry. then we watched donnie darko. and he gave me the most awesome tea thermos ever...and a huuuuge bag of australian tea. when I went to australia I had gotten him a little bag of the same kind, and he thought it was so good that he special ordered a huge bag of it on the internet for me! best gift ever, other than buying myself an $8 blink 182 ticket XD

2009-09-06T13:04:00.002-06:00

man, it's dead on campus today. and I have no friends so I'm bored out of my mind. so I'm gonna type.

I worked at burger barn for the rest of the summer. 8/8 was a really crappy day that began and ended with 46 & 2 by Tool playing on my car radio. it was so weird.

a couple weekends ago I went to missoula to go to Out To Lunch with malissa. we had mexican food and rode the carousel, then went to mackenzie pizza to get takeout pizza for dinner. and this guy handed me a note with his number in it, it was hilarious. so then we stopped at the liquor store to get jager and at the bar for a pina colada. then my friend John and her ex showed up, and it all went downhill from there. she and the ex started drinking a lot. later they started arguing and crap, so john and I decided to go longboarding. he ate it, so he went back to the house to get bandaged up, and he said the ex started antagonizing her more for helping him. so a few minutes later I get back to the house and see john sitting outside all bloody and stuff. and we can still hear them arguing so we just stay outside. but then we hear stuff getting knocked to the floor and malissa screaming, so we run into the house and see her on the floor crying and him daring us to call the cops. so we did. we went back outside to wait for them, and when they got there they kept john outside and me inside with malissa. the ex, brian, had apparently run off. her breathalyzer test was gigantic, I can't believe she wasn't passed out. so here's malissa having a huge mental breakdown because she's so drunk, while trying to deal with the cops. she's on probation, and they remind her she's not allowed to drink alcohol (news to me). so they decide to arrest her. and I agreed to stay with Quinn until further notice. so they drug her to the car in handcuffs screaming. and luckily they let John stay with me, otherwise I would have been terrified of brian coming back to kill me or something. so we're sitting there in the living room for awhile trying to cool off when the closet door opens, and out rolls brian. we call the cops again. I can't believe they didn't check to see if his car was still in the driveway. but of course, he drives off before the popo can get there. they still haven't caught him. but if malissa is ever caught with him again, she's getting 3. most retarded night ever.

so I'm going to seattle to see blink 182, weezer, and taking back sunday on thursday. can you believe it? first time I've ever skipped class ever. I'm nervous.

2009-06-24T23:29:00.001-06:00

today we went boating, and when we got back we walked to the truck and there was this RAUNCHY smell emanating from this sketchy looking dark blue car next to us. i told my mom we should call the cops...so she did. and they showed up and said there's definitely some sort of body in there judging by the magnitude of reek (no shit sherlock) but then they shoo'd us away so i have no idea what happened after that. sad face.

2009-06-24T01:36:00.002-06:00

so then i went to a party with a bunch of people at jay's parents' house when they were out of town lol. his sister made EPIC TACOS. and we played so many drinking games. they were fun. and i didn't get home til like 3:30 am. everyone there was way awesome. i'm glad i met them. and i applied for a bunch more places and still nothing. but i sold one of my textbooks for 25 bucks yesterday, so that's something right? and my mom stole my fairy skirt i got from australia so she can pirate it. if it were me i would just start cutting but she's being all professional about it and actually cutting a pattern and stuff. mommy and me gave giz a haircut. also we're painting and putting in tile in the little room upstairs. and i've been cooking a ton of delicious yumyumness. because i'm bored. and sewing. and apparently rambling on about nothing in here. and staying up til three am apparently again. lalalalolol. i'm drinking tea that has been sitting in here since two days ago OH WELL

2009-06-18T14:30:00.002-06:00

ahoy! australia was awesome, but you already knew that. yesterday my friend jay and I went to see The Hangover, which was actually pretty hilarious. then we went to boettcher park where we actually saw a beaver swimming in the water. we followed him all the way around the park, and he kept diving under and stuff. it was so weird. then we went to sacajawea where we found some big pieces of wood nailed together with a big long fat nail thing. he dared me to throw it in, so i did. and we called it our sea airplane because that's what it looked like. but it was all lopsided in the water, but that's what makes it special. and then it floated away. then we went to the VFW to play pool and drink beer. oh and play shuffleboard or whatever it's called. it was crazy cuz you play with these metal things on a wooden board with sand sprinkled on it. and they make zoom noises when you throw them. we tried to go bar hopping but polson is gay and all their other bars were closed other than the wolf den, which i refuse to go to. but oh well. we saw a flippin beaver.

and last week I went to the MADEfair with malissa and quinn, and we both bought t-shirt skirts and got hair extensions. we also decided we're going to make synthetic dreads soon. I'm excited. then we rented Grudge 3 and watched it. woot.

i applied at the hot spot. nick says gope will probably hire me, but so far i haven't heard anything back. god i hate trying to get a job.

and oh my fucking god. blink 182 is coming to seattle on sept. 10, and i'm trying to go. mark's cousin's wife might be hooking me up with a ticket that she's buying in a group so we can all sit together. EIGHT BUCKS. and all i have to do is drive to spokane to meet them, then we'll carpool the rest of the way. that is, if this all works out. not only is blink playing, but WEEZER...AND TAKING BACK SUNDAY HOLY SHITTTTTTTT. and hopefully school won't make me fail too much for skipping two days but hey, it's two days after my birthday and it's a chance of a lifetime. cut me some slack.

2009-05-04T19:10:00.003-06:00

watching malissa get her koi touched up and hanging out with pearl and drinking, followed by more drinking and heart to heart conversations with brian after malissa passes out, followed by longboarding with john all the way to the footbridge by higgins and back, followed by fight club, followed by pool, followed by crashing a prom, followed by sneaking into the top floor of the LA building to use a classroom's tv to watch samantha's weird russian movie, followed by lunch and icecream with mooma. YEP. that was my weekend.

2009-04-13T23:43:00.002-06:00

now for part two, the sober half.

jay says:
im really sore i think i got beat up while i was drunk yesterday
kissa says:
aw i'm sorry
butt traps, they'll come back to bite you in the ass i tell ya
jay says:
ya i sat on the toilet this morning and go figure i actually ended up catching a racoon up their boy was he pissed
i mean it may have been a bear trap but it was one sizely racoon
kissa says:
shiiit, well good thing i installed that
jay says:
i know who knows what part of my body he would have moved to next if we hadnt stopped him at the butt of things
(drum roll for lame joke)
kissa says:
ooooooh
jay says:
ya i know right turns out my jokes suck when im sober to haha, how was your day?
kissa says:
boring
jay says:
gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
did you do any thing that was not boring?
kissa says:
ummmm...i waved at my friend and procrastinated on myspace a lot...oh and i got to listen to the color fred's EP that comes out saturday
jay says:
was it good?
kissa says:
pretty tasty it was
jay says:
like chiness good or mexican food or like hey this is a fatty steak good?
kissa says:
i'd give it an ultra spicy thai good
jay says:
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
so are you bfin a dino in this pic?
kissa says:
yes i am, it's a pretty great inside joke actually
jay says:
can i get into the joke ?
or is it super inside
kissa says:
my friend cheryl and i always joke like we're lovers and stuff...so this one time i was like hey, if you can find a picture of two velociraptors having sex and photoshop in our faces, i'll marry you
and by some act of god she did, so now we're married on facebook
jay says:
so what your saying is sex with dinosaurs is really good?
those dont look like raptors though
you may have been fooled into marrying this girl
kissa says:
yeah, she told me later they were t-rexes...oh well
she's still my loving wife
jay says:
and you have to stay together for the kids,
or whatever mutated animal came from 2 half dino half girls
kissa says:
lol
we planned on making as many that would fit on a rocket ship to the moon
jay says:
love the cum face though haha and it looks like your taking her dinoginity
kissa says:
haha
jay says:
i mean thats a good plan just incase they get wierd dino faces you can just be like its the plan
its what your loving mothersaurus would have wanted
kissa says:
well we completed the circle of life, what else would you expect from your prehistoric child
jay says:
a fourth jurrasic park
kissa says:
that would be scary as hell
jay says:
and rated ex with your lesbian dino love
kissa says:
yep
it'll be like a porno slash horror flick
jay says:
my problem is i would get confused like do i masturbate when the naked chicks come on or some one gets ripped in half bye a t rex
i would just leave with sexual frustrations worthy of a psyc book
kissa says:
haha
jay says:
im glad your amused. im going to walk out of that movie and get beat up! every one is going to be like why is the kid with the boner crying?
kissa says:
no everyone will be crying, from terror and joy and heartbreak and ecstacy
jay says:
so what your saying is no one will notice i peed my pants and ontop of that have an erection?
kissa says:
hmm i dunno, you could make a break for it as soon as the credits roll
jay says:
or just tell them some pussy next to me cryed so much that my pants where wet and had dried into the postion of a boner
kissa says:
i'd definitely believe it
jay says:
well thats the story! you have to help me sell it to people who have that look on their face that says i should hide my dog from this pervert
kissa says:
will do
what does it matter though, you went with the mastermind behind the entire movie so you must be cool
jay says:
your right! no one can judge the pervert when he is with the cool kids

2009-04-13T02:26:00.003-06:00

ah, drunk people....

jay says:
i have a huge boner for bring me the horizon and a day to remember right now just cuz that guy sounds like mike hera
kissa says:
haha i just saw bmth
jay says:
where they good live?
kissa says:
excellent
jay says:
yay!!! i have gotten alot of mixed messages about their live performances
kissa says:
oli just totally cherry bombed into the crowd with the mic, didn't even hesitate or anything
jay says:
amazing!!! i am so jealous
kissa says:
and i met thursday and they signed a poster for me
and when they were onstage geoff fell on me and we hugged, haha
jay says:
very sexy
i think the only bands i have hung out with that liked me where aiden and scary kids scaring kids o and on the last day
kissa says:
nice
jay says:
thats a lie now that i think about it the only band that did not like me was some old school punk band
and we got in a fight \
kissa says:
lol
jay says:
bye fight i mean they put their left thumb in my butt and i cryed
kissa says:
aww
jay says:
i know right its not my fault i was born with a super sensitive butt hole
kissa says:
lmao
shoulda warned em or something
jay says:
just been like guys before you tear my butthole apart just know, im really sensitve
kissa says:
haha
jay says:
do you think it will work? do you think they would go softer on me?
kissa says:
probably not, i mean rockstars these days, they're just a bunch of insensitive dickheads, don't give a shit about your butt's feelings
jay says:
so i should just have my butt reinforced with stainless steel?
kissa says:
yeah, or maybe booby trap your butt so they'll never even think about doing it again
jay says:
that way it dose not get tarnished
like put a minutare bear trap up my pooper?
kissa says:
yeah, that should do it
jay says:
i think the real question hear is will you help me?
kissa says:
how much you got?
ten bucks SOLD
jay says:
what i thought we where friends?
kissa says:
okay fine, but just this once, next time it might cost you
i don't wanna be shoving bear traps up your ass every other day now
jay says:
o come on just this once? just the tip just for a second just to see how it feels?
kissa says:
jay, you and your fetishes all the time, first it's cocker spaniels and now this? i think it's time we got you some help
jay says:
i know i know but its cheaper to buy bear traps than pshychitrist
kissa says:
fair enough
jay says:
so you will help ?
kissa says:
okay, but keep on the downlow
jay says:
you dont want to make this public and exclusive?
kissa says:
my pride would be ruined forever, not to mention they might find out that your butt is a trap
jay says:
so you think im gross? thats just rude
jokes?
kissa says:
okay so we've all got our weird fetishes, but bear trap in the ass is just pushin it kid, i don't know man
jay says:
come on i promise ill do it for you!
kissa says:
...would you really?
jay says:
thats how pretty i think you are duh
kissa says:
well i just got an instant boner
jay says:
yay
!
i gave a girl an erection
my mom warned me of this day
kissa says:
you're a real man now
jay says:
really i was scared it would be that quick
i have heard about this whole premature ejaculation thing and i knew i was going to be that guy
kissa says:
well i'm proud of you
but now you have to finish it
jay says:
my premature ejaculation?
i thought the problem was that i already finished
kissa says:
no, get rid of my blue balls
jay says:
should i use the tounge?
kissa says:
hmm well that beats the bear trap in most cases right?
close second though, i must say
jay says:
i mean i can grab the couger trap if that will fix things?
kissa says:
daaamn, now we're talkin
jay says:
ooooooooooooooooooooooooo shit
is it wierd that i am totally into this/
kissa says:
i'm laughing my ass off right now
jay says:
wait slow down if you laugh it all the way off like it might end up taking a leg too

be carefull!!!!!!!!
kissa says:
oh shit
gotta keep that thing in there
jay says:
the leg ?
i just want to keep it on you where are you putting your letg?
kissa says:
lol, i meant the trap, is my leg in there too?
jay says:
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
im going to be honest im drunk so i am lost
kissa says:
ok, first i said i better keep that trap in my ass, then i was wondering if my leg was up my ass too
jay says:
well in that case you either have very small legs.
or a very big anal passage
kissa says:
lol

2009-04-03T21:39:00.000-06:00

01) 21st Century Breakdown
02) Know Your Enemy
03) ¡Viva La Gloria!
04) Before the Lobotomy
05) Christian's Inferno
06) Last Night on Earth
07) East Jesus Nowhere
08) Peacemaker
09) Last of the American Girls
10) Murder City
11) ¿Viva La Gloria?
12) Restless Heart Syndrome
13) Horseshoes and Handgrenades
14) Drama Queen
15) Static Age
16) 21 Guns
17) American Eulogy
18) See the Light

2009-03-29T01:10:00.000-06:00

BITCHE$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$...I'm just about ready to mosh my brains out.

2009-03-12T01:41:00.002-06:00

Jook Larv: I'm bored.

Kissadilla 182: Well you know, you probably shouldn't keep my mom waiting much longer

Jook Larv: How do you know I didn't already accomplish that mission?

Kissadilla 182: Well I don't rightly know...did you?

Jook Larv: Uhhhhh.... yes?

Kissadilla 182: I'm not convinced

Kissadilla 182: lawd, this episode is rich

Jook Larv: ...jerk.

Kissadilla 182: no, you're a jerk

Kissadilla 182: blowing me off and shit

Jook Larv: You wish.

Jook Larv: you probablt don't pay as much as your mom.

Kissadilla 182: I have beer now though

Jook Larv: See how you're such a jerk?

Kissadilla 182: No.

Jook Larv: Bragging about all the shit I can't have...

Kissadilla 182: You can, just get the fuck over here

Jook Larv: Easier said than done, madam.

Jook Larv: This is not your mother!

Jook Larv: This is merely a man in disguise!

Kissadilla 182: Okay?

Kissadilla 182: Does that mean I'm not in trouble?

Jook Larv: I... don't get it. No? Yes?

Jook Larv: No.

Kissadilla 182: I don't know what's going on either...

Kissadilla 182: I was pretty sure you weren't my mom anyway

Jook Larv: You.. were?

Kissadilla 182: I was my mom? Why yes, yes I was

Jook Larv: Wait... so I blew YOU?

Kissadilla 182:

Jook Larv: Wow!

Kissadilla 182: Nah, I was actually just my mom IN DISGUISE or whatever...convincing, yes?

Jook Larv: So what you're saying is...

Jook Larv: I... am you?

Kissadilla 182: well, only in theory...

Jook Larv: So, in theory, I blew myself.

Kissadilla 182: Was it good?

Jook Larv: I barely even noticed!

Jook Larv: But it would explain this mess...

Kissadilla 182: How was I involved in this again?

Jook Larv: Uhh... you confirmed that you were your mother?

Jook Larv: But then that you were in disguise, just as I was. Which can only lead me to the conclusion that I blew the three of us, all at once.

Jook Larv: Or at least vowed to.

Kissadilla 182: This is the most logical conversation I've ever had!

Jook Larv: It happens.

Kissadilla 182: Vowed to...that would explain how you didn't feel it...yet it doesn't explain the mess

Jook Larv: Shit... there must be an imposter!

Kissadilla 182: or two...or three!

Kissadilla 182: ...or ten

Jook Larv: ..it isn't THAT big of a mess...

Kissadilla 182: Unless it was ten shitty blowjobs

Kissadilla 182: Zing!

Jook Larv: It's a fact, no one blows quite like I blow.

Kissadilla 182: All shitty like?

Kissadilla 182: My mom certainly was grouchy afterwards

Jook Larv: That's because it was only the imposters.

Kissadilla 182: So there wasn't even any epic Mark blowing taking place during this shenanigan?

Jook Larv: Not yet...

Jook Larv: Which I guess could explain how we all got blown at the same time.

Kissadilla 182: So this could only be the beginning...?

Jook Larv: Could be? I'd be surprised if it doesn't take police years to stop the incoming storm of blowjobs from my imposters.

Kissadilla 182: The horror!

Jook Larv: You see what you've done?

Kissadilla 182: I thought you hired them!

Jook Larv: Hell no.

Kissadilla 182: Mother...!

Jook Larv: It's probably already too late.

Kissadilla 182: One blowjob to rule them all, one blowjob to find them.

Kissadilla 182: In other words, I have determined you need to blow me or the whole universe is going to die

Jook Larv: Kay.

Jook Larv: Wait a minute WAIT JUST A MINUTE.

Kissadilla 182: No

Jook Larv: Why again don't I want the universe to die?

Kissadilla 182: 'cause the po-lice be steppin

Kissadilla 182: you want a cap in yo ass?

Jook Larv: ...I have the power to destroy the universe.

Kissadilla 182: obviously

Jook Larv: I don't think I'm afraid of the PO-lice.

Kissadilla 182: Lawd, you's a crazy nigga

Jook Larv: Or I suppose I could just blow you.

Kissadilla 182: BUT you won't

Jook Larv: How could I?

Kissadilla 182: Jesusmagic?

Jook Larv: If you come bring me beer I'll consider saving the universe.

Kissadilla 182: It's a deal

Jook Larv: When can I expect you?

Kissadilla 182: Sometime within the next six months

Jook Larv: ...oh.

Kissadilla 182: It's the best I could do

Jook Larv: Fine then. But I can't guarantee that the universe won't explode within that time.

Kissadilla 182: That's okay, I kinda like testing fate

2009-03-09T20:52:00.001-06:00

2009-03-01T22:54:00.002-07:00

so wednesdayyyy there was a huge party at malissa's and i met a ton of people, and i even got commissioned to cut and dye someone's hair, lol. and then yesterday i shot pool with a couple people i met there and then i went to see murder by death! builders and the butchers and fake problems opened for them........real good. i'm bored.

2009-02-22T00:31:00.001-07:00

I LOOOOVEE Maynard James Keenan.

"We do stuff. Well I do anyway. I see the sky at night in Northern Arizona and I can't help but plan. I can't sit still. I can feel the earth moving and I want to keep up and show her that I care. I want to show her that I know that my efforts count for something. She knows this. We tend to forget. But I forget nothing. My efforts matter. Your efforts matter. Every single heart felt effort, thought, movement, declaration, affirmation, ritualistic statement. It all matters. Life is too short to let all these opportunities/observations pass by unexpressed. I guess what I'm saying is... Get Off YOUR ASS and SAY/DO something. Even if it's just standing on your porch, in your backyard, with your glass extended towards the heavens...Just declare that you care. Promise yourself/the Universe that you intend to make a difference. If we all did this, just imagine what a better place this would be. The whole world would ALMOST be as awesome as Northern Arizona. Snap."

2009-02-10T00:43:00.001-07:00

2009-02-08T21:47:00.003-07:00

saturday, gayest day of my life. sunday, i can die happy.
last night, i went to this show at the top hat with one of my coworkers. soon he starts moving closer and crap, and i start moving away more and more. you'd think he'd be able to read body language but NO, he moves in to kiss me. so i'm out the door immediately of course, and he has to follow me allllll the way home, apologizing the whole time WHILE TRYING TO HOLD MY HAND. WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE.
buuut. I just saw blink on TV and THEY'RE BACK. I can seriously tell you right now that they saved my life. I may never leave my room again unless I'm going to a blink 182 concert. I HATE EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD. SUCK A COCK.

2009-01-21T14:54:00.002-07:00

took these videos last night. moar pictures on myspace.
Mea Culpa solo (The Human Abstract)

Protest the Hero

As I Lay Dying

2009-01-20T00:50:00.001-07:00

boredom personified says:
stfu there is no method to your madness
kissa says:
damn, i have been foiled again
boredom personified says:
if there was you'd love me duh
kissa says:
no, that would be YOUR method in my madness
boredom personified says:
is that some slang for genitals
kissa says:
...precisely
boredom personified says:
naugty, but i like it
kissa says:
lol

2009-01-11T01:29:00.001-07:00

Getting close to 1/11, so I should have expected something odd to happen. My mom and I were watching TV tonight, and I heard a bang on the glass door. My mom didn't hear it, so she thought I was crazy. I turned on the light outside, and I saw the cutest little thing looking up at me.

A pygmy owl. An owl was carried by Athena, someone who's turned up to me constantly in all sorts of creepy coincidences in the last few years.

2009-01-06T02:24:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'll be applying to Sacred Heart Children's Hospital in Spokane to get certified. What sucks is the program doesn't start til July, and I only have to take one more semester next school year. So basically I'll have six months of nothing before I start schoolin again. I guess I'll either try to find a job here in Polson, in Missoula, or Spokane. I wish I didn't have to take an extra semester, but I still feel incredibly good that I don't have to take two.

I'm so bored.

Oh yeah, and I'm looking into volunteer work in Costa Rica for this summer.

Mom wants me to start teaching yoga to her class again. I'm no good at teaching...:\

2008-12-31T19:35:00.001-07:00

I PASSED ALL OF MY CLASSES!!!! for the first time in the last three semesters.

2008-12-27T01:45:00.005-07:00

I'm trying to think of all the stuff I did in 2008. It's hard to remember things from early in the year now....

Jan: I taught yoga to my mom's bellydance class. Also I bellydanced for the historic Symes resort in Hot Springs. I caught up with some people from high school, and there was alcohol of epic proportions. I discovered the joys of drunken Battleship and Asshole. and racquetball. I beat an HHP major multiple times, yus.

Feb: I went to battle of the bands and picked up a hot date for V Day, holy cows, as Roo would say. He got rid of me pretty quick, I think. But he has reasons, believe me. Saw the final performance of Sharktopus...people were crying lol...and more local shows. I stopped trying this semester, apparently. I did lots of really bad things that month. AWFUL. kind of like how I switched from present to past tense there. Awful.

Mar: Umm...not so much better. My brother brought some people over to my parents' house when no one else was there, and basically they stole a lot of really expensive things and a large sum of cash. But let's forget that and move on. Oh yeah, and my Zune got smashed while ballroom dancing in Walmart, and it didn't get fixed for eight months. Very, very tragic. But anyway, MOVING ON...

Apr: I SAW EVE 6. I left for CDA with some gas money and a ticket. And luckily I found my super awesome friend there and we went camping on his gparents' farm. I thought I may have had to drive round trip in one day. Either way, it was liberating. and AMAZING! fuck.

May: Semester ended, I moved back to Polson and looked for a job a lot. No one hired me all summer. I cleaned out our hot tub and gardened and weeded a lot...I was bored. Also, there was one night of swimming and a giant slash bonfire at shore. with napalm.

June: Went to the Redwood Forest and the west coast for a week and a half with my family. Couldn't ask for more.

July: For the 4th...hahaha, how much detail should I get into here...I took a road trip with Eui and Issa to see people hang from hooks in their skin...but it was so much more, in a different way than you'd expect. It's a long, strange story. All you really need to know is I beat a canadian at air hockey. And later, for other crazy reasons, Eui and I even almost had to hitchhike back home. Anddd....I saw Kal Penn at an Obama rally. Only like 20 people showed up so we pretty much got him all to ourselves too.

Aug: Warped 2009. Bands of note were The Human Abstract, AVA, Rise Against, All That Remains....yeah. Not quite as satisfying as 2008. Mark didn't even show up either. Unsatisfying. Some crazy shit happened on the road/at the hotel though.

Sep: Back to school. Housed Pat til his bus came on the way back from the Maryhill longboard championships. He won the balls to the wall award. Saw Rancid and Less Than Jake. I partook in a zombie pit! Tim Armstrong also gave me his pick at the end. I was warm and fuzzy. And also, sweaty and banged up. THAT was satisfying. Later, I passed out for the first time ever. IN CLASS. I had to stab myself and squeeze blood out of my finger. Oh, and Rock Against Racism in caras park.

Oct: Grandma Palmieri died. Saw Trivium, The Human Abstract (again), and All That Remains (Again). Umm...scariest shopping cart ride of my life.

Nov and Dec, finals and holiday type things....good times...and rum.

2008-12-21T19:57:00.002-07:00

just more blog posts i'm deleting from my myspace. whatever. don't worry about it. worst day of my life, whaddaya think? yeah, my friend mark says i should never speak to him again.

I hate - August 27, 2008
people who hate diversity.
conflict seekers.
people who have to live on a schedule and that's it.
smokers.
people who think doing drugs is cool.
people who drink because it makes them cool.
people who do anything just to fit in.
people who think they're the greatest thing since sliced bread.
attention whores.
whores who are attention whores.
internet creepers.
irl creepers.
being cold.
poor spelling.
poor grammar.
living in a day-oriented society.
windburn.
people who try to force their beliefs on me without scientific evidence.
people who judge without understanding.
people who assume things about me.
people who don't appreciate the earth.
people who can't listen to more than 30 seconds of a song.
the simple-minded.
people who breed.
ignorance.
people who do it all for the nookie.
people who can't deal with being by themselves.
rpgs.
slobs.
people who bitch and moan and do nothing about it.
people who complain no matter how often they get their way.
the closed-minded.
emos.
people who think they're always right.
people who force advice on me even though they're RETARDED.
racism.
dirty dishwater.
dave matthew's voice.
gerard way's voice.
people who never shut up but have nothing intelligible to say.
people who think talking about my heartbreak will make it better.
people who would do anything for a little sympathy.
people who can't say sorry.
noobs.

October 19, 2008 - Thanksgiving is coming.
Some of you may know that I worked in a vineyard a couple of summers ago. During that time I became very close with a certain someone...a certain turkey. Every morning I would do my rounds out in the field - tying, clipping, pruning. Next to the vineyard was a little farm, and that farm had a rebel. A turkey had fled the farm, and had built herself a beautiful nest underneath one of the larger riesling plants at the far end of the field. It seems she had become rather lonely, though, because she would follow me around everywhere I went. We spent hours together on those mornings. It was just me and my grapevines, the morning dew under the rising sun, and my turkey. But, she still kept her distance. I wanted to pet her, but if I got too close she would ruffle her feathers and coo at me. But that was okay. Her and I...we really understood each other. I wonder if she still lives out there. When you eat your Thanksgiving turkey this year, I want you to wonder how much it may have meant to some fool like me.

P.S. This isn't supposed to be a vegetarianism propaganda thing, it's just a story.

2008-12-14T21:13:00.004-07:00

friday: school play
yesterday: went to twilight
today: belly dancin party...it's weird having people who graduated with me who are now married.

i'm reading TREASURE ISLAND!! and the keys on my computer have all been not working properly...o.o...IT'S ANNOYIG. <---SEE, IT LEAVES OUT RANDOM LETTERS AND I HAVE TO HIT BACKSPACE A MILLION TIMES JUST TO WRITE A SENTENCE.

2008-12-09T02:02:00.001-07:00

2008-12-05T18:12:00.001-07:00

reason #2095798367 to commit suicide:

kissa says:
i have no friends and if i think i do, they only want in my pants
Luke says:
hmmm don't give up thogh
you should let me take u to a movie sometime or even just coffee?

2008-12-05T16:52:00.001-07:00

it's official: i'm being a crazy cat lady when i grow up. i've lost all faith in the human race.

2008-11-30T23:10:00.001-07:00

Phil says:
i wanna rub oil all over your body
kissa says:
lol
Phil says:
oops, wrong window

2008-11-27T16:22:00.002-07:00

1) Are you really ready for 125 questions?
yeah man, bring it

2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?
i feel like everything i've ever done was a mistake at the moment

3) Do you believe in God?
something like that

4) Who did you last say "I love you" to?
probably Mark

5) Do you regret it?
no way. I just wish I could be open about those things again without feeling like I'm bothering him

6) Have you ever been depressed?
haaaaaaaaaaa

7) Have a best friend?
a few

8) Are you a boy or girl?
girl

10) How do you want to die?
painlessly

11) What did you last eat?
pecan pie, bitch

12) Play any sports?
not regularly...other than yoga and skating. i play intramural stuff if i have time, but i usually don't

13) Do you bite your nails?
no

14) When was your last non -physical fight?
dunno

15) Do you have an attitude?
the pessimistic moxie kind

16) Ever been in love?
yeah

17) What is your real name?
Clarissa

19) Are you gonna get high later?
already got high on yams...rofl

20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
everyone...

21) Do you miss someone?
overwhelmingly

22) Who was the last person to message you?
Hugh

23) Do you tan a lot?
not in a coffin

24) Have any pets?
a fish

25) How exactly are you feeling?
good...and bad...and terrible...and everything in between.

26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
nope. WHY would you do that.

27) What's your thought on suicide?
selfish, yet satisfying
weak lion king reference...good times

28) Would you take any of your exes back?
no

29) Are you scared of spiders?
those ones with the huge bodies are the only ones that scare me

30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
no

31) Do you regret anything from your past?
it doesn't matter

32) What are your plans for this weekend?
i haven't planned that far ahead

33) Do you want to have kids?
fail

34) Ever kissed somebody that name starts with an P?
no

35) Do you type fast?
i guess

36) Do you have piercings? How many?
10

37) Want any more?
maybe

38) Can you spell well?
yeah, my parents even call me up for help sometimes

39) Do you miss anyone from your past?
yeah

40) What are you craving right now?
cuddles!

41) Ever been to a bonfire party?
there's a bonfire pit in my backyard, i'm thinking lots

43) Have you ever been on a horse?
yeah, some people in my fam own double arrow outfitters

44) Kissed someone while sitting on the tailgate of a truck?
that sounds really redneck...no

45) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
probably

46) Have you ever been cheated on?
yep

47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
yep...i'm so awesome...just the greatest...

50) What should you be doing?
making fun of my brother play mario kart

51) What's irritating you right now?
stuff

52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
yeah

53) Does somebody love you?
no

54) What is your favorite color?
christsickle

55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yeah, queen roadtrip here....

57) Do you have trust issues?
i do now!

59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink?
no

60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yeah

62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about your past together?
he says he does...i don't know why

63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?
a bunch of strangers

64) Do you give out second chances too easily?
not anymore!

65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive

66) Is this year the best year of your life?
less shitty than past ones, yeah

67) What was your child hood nickname?
didn't have one

68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
yeah

69) Do you think you' re a good person?
good intentions, but...fail

70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
yeah

71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
brushed my teeth

72) Is there anyone you wish was still in your life?
more in my life, yeah

73) What is bothering you?
stuff

74) Have you ever been out of state?
which state? i've lived all over the country and visited two others

75) Do you play the Wii?
no

76) Are you listening to music right now?
yeah, ironically, the mario kart music from the Wii

77) Do you like Chinese food?
sometimes

78) Do you know your fathers b-day?
december 29? somewhere around there

79) Are you afraid of the dark?
no

80) Is cheating ever okay?
no

81) Are you mean?
I am now

82) Can you keep white shoes clean?
campus is a mud hole in the winter/spring...i'm thinking not so much

83) Have you noticed this survey stopped getting personal?
no??

84) Do you believe in true love?
i don't know anymore

85) Are you proud of the person you' ve become?
i don't know...i've survived through a whole lot of shit...but i'm still not the greatest person ever

88) Do you like being outside?
if it isn't cold or windy...especially not wind, it gives me awful migraines

89) Are you currently bored?
obviously

90) Do you wanna get married?
no

91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
lame

92) Are you hungry?
no

93) Do you have a bank account?
yeah

94) What makes you happy?
people who I actually care about

95) Would you change your name?
nah

96) Ever been to Alaska?
no

98) Do you watch the news?
no

99) What' s your favorite color?
CHRISTSICKLE

100) Do you like Subway?
not as much as i used to, i've worked at a wannabe subway for the past >3 years

102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
feel special...wonder if doing anything will ruin our friendship later on...

103) Do you talk like your friends?
huh? i talk like me.

105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
all the time

106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self with?
idk what my complete self means

107) Who is the last girl you talked to?
idk, there are both girls and guys in this room

108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
yeah

109) Do you go to church?
no

110) What's going on between you and your girl best friend?
um...not much?

111)Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Mark...ish. he's the only one i have even remotely deep conversations with

112) Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
what do you mean? isn't it always them letting me go?

113) Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos?
some...piercings are better...they don't look like crap later on

114) What do you wear more: jeans or shorts?
jeans

115) You're a Sharpie marker, what color are you?
can i be a metallic color? then i'll show up even if i'm written on dark things.

116) Where do you go if you are butt naked and locked out of your house?
break a window? i don't care...

117) Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
depends

118) Have you ever said you'd never love again?
all the time

119) Do you want to please everyone?
yeah, but now it's better just to piss everyone off so i don't have to meet their giant list of demands later on

120) Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
yeah

121) Has someone ever made you a promise & broken it?
all the time

122) Are you alone?
nope, i gots siblings and cousins in here

123) Do you have any older siblings?
no

124) Did you speak to your father today?
no

125) How many months until your birthday?
10

2008-11-03T23:55:00.002-07:00

Gangsta Chimp says:
smokin dope?
kissa says:
yep, shootin up, doin lines, all that shit
Gangsta Chimp says:
fun
trippin balls
squirrel tits
big ole' bowl of chilly
kissa says:
lol
Gangsta Chimp says:
yea
thats a fun sex move
kissa says:
how's that one work?
Gangsta Chimp says:
eat a girls/guys ass out then puke in their ass and feed it by the laddle full to them
its fun
try it some time
kissa says:
hahaha
Gangsta Chimp says:
just kidding
iM not a sicko yet
kissa says:
right
Gangsta Chimp says:
haha
yea, theres alot of moves that are nast
but funny, none the less
kissa says:
lol
that last one reminded me of 2girls1cup
Gangsta Chimp says:
just a little bit
no poop though
kissa says:
lol
can't go wrong with buttholes and vomit munching though =D
Gangsta Chimp says:
you just cant, not possible
(sigh)
kissa says:
fantasizing now huh?
Gangsta Chimp says:
yes mamm

2008-10-31T17:21:00.002-06:00

so apparently i'm doing absolutely nothing for halloween. i am awesome! except not.

last weekend billy visited me because he was back from the military for ten days. we terrorized walmart. scariest shopping cart ride of my life.

other than that, my life is boring as shit.

i'm going to go sit around and do nothing now.

2008-10-10T22:30:00.002-06:00

i have ten holes now! and i found out my belly button es mexicano.
my friend pat had to do fall inventory yesterday so he sent me like $130 of free stuff. a sector 9 shirt, a skate tool, DC flip flops, and LIMITED EDITION DC MANTECAS. omfg.

2008-10-09T02:18:00.001-06:00

I am SUCH a hermit...but you already knew that.

2008-10-03T18:14:00.002-06:00

so the trivium concert was sweet. but not as bitchin as rancid. i didn't get smashed by the singer of the human abstract again, hahaha, so that's good i guess. but i still got bodyslammed into the bar by some ass, and now my sternum hurts. it feels like it's cracked or something, i dunno. if it's just bruised, it's really deep because it isn't purple on the surface or anything. that was sunday and it hasn't gotten any better yet, so damn.

this week sucked. i had a quiz or an exam every single day. so now, i'm going to bed and not coming out until monday morning. HA!

2008-09-25T15:00:00.002-06:00

okay, so i had to lancet myself again today...i thought i was doing okay and started getting tunnel vision and was sweating like i usually do after i get stabbed. so i thought i was fine. i got up to get a capillary tube for my partner and next thing i knew i was on the floor with the TA holding me up, and blood tubes and stuff had fallen on the floor because of me, and everyone was staring at me. i had to lay on the couch in someone's office for the rest of the period. my arms were all tingly. that lab really sucks, either we're stabbing ourselves or we're dealing with mice so i can't even be there. that's the first time i've ever passed out.

2008-09-17T17:52:00.002-06:00

whoever doesn't show up at rock against racism BLOWS!
friday: rock against racism $0
saturday: wedding of some distant cousin and then an overnighter at a lodge with them...$0
sunday: trivium/all that remains*/the human abstract* concert at the wilma $18.50

i think i'm gonna be all concerted out for the month. also, my throat hurts really bad. POR QUE?!?!! and then i have to stab myself again next week. the first one still isn't healed. no shit. POR QUE?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!

*already saw them at warped, but worth seeing again. both of them just came out with new albums too :D

2008-09-17T01:44:00.002-06:00

today my neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I'd catch a bug for her. she didn't know what it was and she was terrified of it. she was so scared she had to leave the room when I was catching it for her. it was just a stink bug. hahahahahahahaha

2008-09-15T22:39:00.000-06:00

k, here's how it went down. i pushed my way to the bar right away so i wouldn't have to worry about it (right in front of where lars frederickson would be). i held down my territory the entire time too, although i got the shit beat out of me for it. hanging on to the bar is good because you have something solid to hang on to (moshers at the wilma are usually drunk and aggro) but on the down side it's harder than human bodies. so, i have a thick line of bruising across my ribs and back of my upper arms, then more on my knees and my hip bones. also, my camera got obliterated, but luckily i got all the pictures i wanted before a crowd surfer got to it. (myspace: concerts album)
less than jake was super awesome. and then, so was rancid of course. it was like he [tim] was singing every song to an audience for the first time, he puts so much soul into it with his gestures and facial expressions. they sang like thirty songs, it was so satisfying. at the end, tim got on the woofers right in front of me. we were all reaching out our hands to touch him. he grabbed mine, and everyone was trying to push it away, but he held on to it until he could get his pick into my hand. i feel so special. since my camera is now broken, i'll probably scan it sometime. it's orange with the rancid logo on one side and tim armstrong written on the other.

2008-09-10T00:26:00.003-06:00

I'm posting all my myspace bloggage on here, because I'm deleting them on there.

Disclaimer: The way I felt then isn't necessarily the way I feel now.

17 Feb 2008
this has been a year of so much self discovery. and it's only february. i've become comfortable with what i am, comfortable with others, and know what i want out of life. i know who my true friends are. even if i refuse to talk to some of them. there are those who will always be there for me, and there will be those who just want in the pants. i'm not that easy. i'm a heartbreaker at heart. ironic statement? i think yes.

it involves pain. it involves hurting myself, and worst of all, hurting others. it involves experimentation. it involves standing up for myself. it involves taking everything two steps too far. it involves not giving a shit about what anyone thinks of me, and a whole lot of good humor. all while keeping my head on my shoulders. and it is so inspiring. it's just a maze. sometimes you have to backtrack. sometimes you can just laugh it off. one big win is the sum of many small losses.

there is no wrong or right. there is an eight fold path. the way of the tao. indulgence of the satanist. the rush of a daredevil and a curiosity for life itself. flush your ego and your box and your churchgoing ways. just believe.

to everyone else, i'd probably seem as if i've gone far downhill since june the 17th. i've again more than touched base with my punk roots and vagabond lifestyle and no longer despise or deny it. i'm not the goody goody dick-whipped fiance i once was. i've become a slacker in school, unable to focus on any one thing, and can't seem to commit myself to anything or anyone for more than a week. i answer to no one and take no prisoners. i dance and sing as if no one were there to witness. and through all the so-called chaos, i've never felt so connected with everyone i meet. i've never known so many wonderful people all at one time.

there is nothing but love in me.

02 Mar 2008

this blog appears to be about what happens inside my brain, whereas my blogspot one is about what happens outside of it, which only the select few know of. you'd think it would be the other way around, but that's just how it goes. so if you don't want to read more venting that most likely has nothing to do with you, read no further!

lately it's all just been a bunch of fighting, confusion, silent treatments, selfishness, immaturity on the part of others. here's how it usually goes. and this happens at least three times a month in real life, plus maybe five more on the internet. i go out on the date/start talking on the internet, the person is really cool, we become good friends. later they say they're in love with me and i say uhh, i don't feel the same way. sure, i want to like them, but my heart, or lack thereof, is too bruised and broken to love again. immediately they turn their back on me. put the blame on me. that it's my fault. 90% of the time they never speak to me again.

i don't really have any other options. what else could i do, lead everyone on while not letting any one person know about the rest? that's not how i roll. pretend like i'm in love with someone? that isn't humanly possible. i can't fucking force myself to fall in love. that isn't how it works. and apparently that's really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard for guys to understand. my only plausible option is to be a hermit. i can't have only friends who are girls. we just don't mix most of the time.

and i can't tell very many people about this other than a myspace blog. i don't have too many friends who don't or haven't want(ed) to screw me at one point. they say you can count all your true friends on one hand. it's true. i just want a friend. and they're all temporary. they will all leave me when they figure out i'm broken. {except for Mark.} because it's the easy way out for them. it's selfish.

it's perfectly okay to hate me. but please, hate me for who i am. not for what your friend who has never met me in his life said that i am. that is weak and childish, not to mention mind-numbingly gullible. we aren't in middle school anymore, for the love of god. i'm 21 years old. i'm a third year medical technology major at the university of montana. think about it long and hard now: me=dumb bitch? think.

i never was a fan of the human race. it's a race down the same path, over and over again. i'm on the edge here. is there anyone out there?

25 Mar 2008

here i am again, writing the same old thing with a slightly different combination of simplistic, earthly words. words make me sound so lame. my mind is an entire separate universe than the english language. i’m really lonely right now and there’s no one to talk to. yet another sign of weakness. i’m supposed to be good at this. bottling it. knowing no one understands. well i guess some people do. but they’ll give up on me soon enough. that or i’m even crazier than previously thought. yay. i guess i always show up on my myspace blog when something is eating away at my mind. i don’t know what i’m looking for. all previous dreams have been shattered. it’s not like i’ve made any new plausible ones. i can’t make friends because i’ll hurt them. "she’s got issues" must have really been about me. now she talks about her ex nonstop, but i don’t mind.... when will i talk about dumb things that matter, like how work went today, how did my exam go? who cares? why don’t you talk? why don’t you smile more? why why why? hey, at least i have an understanding of happiness. that is a miracle within itself. it’s an insanely, incomprehensible amount of improvement. course no one realizes that other than my mom. i’m supposed to fit into everyone else’s standards because they don’t understand me. they just tell me it doesn’t matter, try to insult him to make me feel better, which does the polar opposite. oh yay, i’m finally tired. i can sleep. my only escape. i bet i’m slipping down your top friends some more if you’re read this far, if i’m even on it anymore. hooray for polson making me emo. thank god my dad got fired. bye kids. BYE.
i have a stick up my ass and i dress like an idiot and i’m a snob and i treat everyone like shit and my family brought me up all wrong, at least that’s what my "friend" klaus always told me. hooray for friends. actually, hooray for him completely ignoring me these days. i have a fish. his name is thor. he is my best friend. we shall be wed in the spring. oh yeah, i’m supposed to be saying bye. i find it so laughable that everyone finds me such a terrible person. i’m seriously not that bad. not bad at all. i’m a good person. yea, just keep telling myself that...

10 Apr 2008

the decalogue varies within the orthodox/jewish , islam, christian, roman catholic, lutheran, etc. religions. this is the christian version.

"I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments."

Catholic teaching distinguishes between dulia—paying honor to God through contemplation of objects such as paintings and statues—and latria—adoration directed to God alone. (See Catechism 2084–2141.)

This seems to imply that there are, in fact, other gods other than god "him"self...(I don't believe god is a dude. what's the point of having a dick when you're god? plus, if there really are in fact other gods up there, that would be one hell of a sausage fest. and if god really is as much of a homophobe as the majority of "his" followers are...yeah. no any sense.) But the biggest peeve I have here is that god is "a jealous god". that is just disturbing. I don't consider myself much of a jealous-type person, so does this imply that I'm better than god? if so, does this mean that this supposed god is not worth being worshipped by me? god isn't jealous. i perceive god to be perfect in all aspects. in other words, "he" doesn't give a shit what "his" creations believe or don't believe. when we're born, we forget what exists beyond our human perceptions anyway, for the sake of concentrating on what we are to learn in that life. therefore, it's completely understandable to be agnostic or atheist, or even a worshipper of "another god".

"You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not acquit anyone who misuses his name."

This commandment prohibits not just swearing but the misappropriation of religious language in order to commit a crime, participating in occult practices, and blaspheming against places or people that are holy to God. (See Catechism 2142–2167.)

Again, I really don't think god gives a crap. I forgive such petty things, so couldn't god? and when people say OMG, it's kinda taken out of context. as we've been taught over and over again, god forgives all sins, so what does it matter anyway? --if there is really such a thing as a sin for that matter. sins are just mistakes that we learn from, which is the very reason we are alive. "sins" are good things. yeah, tangent. next.

"Observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the LORD your God commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God; you shall not do any work—you, or your son or your daughter, or your male or female slave, or your ox or your donkey, or any of your livestock, or the resident alien in your towns, so that your male and female slave may rest as well as you. Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the LORD your God commanded you to keep the sabbath day."

wait a minute...SLAVE?!?!?! GOD FORGIVES SLAVERY BUT NOT A LITTLE F-BOMB? CHRIST! (haha i just perpetrated 2, irony?) we're supposedly saved from the land of slavery, then own slaves ourselves? that's just sick and wrong.

4. "Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you."

This commandment emphasizes the family as part of God's design, as well as an extended metaphor that God uses for his relationship with his creation. (See Catechism 2197–2257.)

Kissa approves of this message.

5. "(Roman Catholic) You shall not kill / (Lutheran) You shall not murder"

The right of states to execute criminals is not absolutely forbidden by this commandment. However, other methods of protecting society (incarceration, rehabilitation) are increasingly available and more in keeping with other Christian moral teaching. Catholics (along with many Protestants) also consider abortion sinful and a violation of this commandment. War, if rigorous conditions of moral legitimacy are met (that is, the "use of arms must not produce evils and disorders graver than the evil to be eliminated"), is not a violation because "governments cannot be denied the right of lawful self-defense, once all peace efforts have failed." (See Catechism 2258–2330.)

....that was the longest list of exceptions ever. lulz.
(my couple exceptions – (self defense is fine and good, but i don't think killing is particularly necessary 99% of the time) i consider abortions ok in some cases. if you were raped and became pregnant and were unable to care for it, it's not your fault. if i were a little fetus who knew i'd have to live with a mother who didn't want me, for the love of god, kill me now! adoption is dumb - the human population is probably high above carrying capacity right now. we're destroying mother earth as it is. okay so number two that god who supposedly wrote this stuff failed to mention is killing for food. other animals do it so i guess it's okay for us too. i just feel really bad about it. i'd become a strict vegetarian, but protein is something i need, especially since i'm prone to depression, and protein is the only thing that allows us to synthesize seratonin. animals have feelings too ya know. tangent. next.)

.6. "Neither shall you commit adultery."

Adultery is the breaking of the holy bond between husband and wife, and is thus a sacrilege. This commandment includes not just the act of adultery, but lust as well. (See Catechism 2331–2400.)

sometimes people just need to get a divorce. people change. never fear change. it's the only constant in our universe. and with the lust thing...for some people it's probably uncontrollable, and therefore forgivable. god gave us hormones, so blame him, not me. haha.

7. "Neither shall you steal."

(See Catechism 2401–2463.)

...by the way, I stole this from wikipedia. i s'pose this is free-for-all though, so yeah, no stealin'.

8. "Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor."

This commandment forbids misrepresenting the truth in relations with others. This also forbids lying. (See Catechism 2464–2513.)

Kissa approves of this message.

."Neither shall you covet your neighbor's wife."

(See Catechism 2514–2533.)

Umm...what if I'm straight?

10. "Neither shall you desire your neighbor's house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

(See Catechism 2534–2557.)

kin i has ur slavez lulz? yeah, okay, other than that, i approve. wanting things is a distraction. which directly leads us into buddhism. this is the basic understanding:

The four noble truths
Dukkha: life is full of suffering.
Sanudaya: Suffering is caused by wants.
Nirodha: To rid yourself of suffering, rid yourself of wants.
Marga: To rid yourself of wants, follow the eightfold path.

Yes, if you did follow this strictly enough you'd probably end up being an apathetic bum on the street. But the aim here is being able to be happy without all the worldly possessions and relationships that society tells us we need. All you need is yourself. Things will always, always turn out as they should, so there is no need to want or worry. Just follow the eight fold path.

Sila is morality—abstaining from unwholesome deeds of body and speech. Within the division of sila are three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:

Right Speech—One speaks in a non hurtful, not exaggerated, truthful way
Right Actions—Wholesome action, avoiding action that would do harm
Right Livelihood—One's way of livelihood does not harm in any way oneself or others; directly or indirectly

Samadhi is developing mastery over one's own mind. Within this division are another three parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:

Right Effort/Exercise—One makes an effort to improve
Right Mindfulness/Awareness—Mental ability to see things for what they are with clear consciousness
Right Concentration/Meditation—Being aware of the present reality within oneself, without any craving or aversion.

Prajña is the wisdom which purifies the mind. Within this division fall two more parts of the Noble Eightfold Path:

Right Understanding—Understanding reality as it is, not just as it appears to be.
Right Thoughts—Change in the pattern of thinking.

And that there is the metric system of the ten commandments. My point? Ice cream is fucking delicious.

16 Apr 2008

yes, this is the most dreaded day of the year. it would have been four years. woulda coulda shoulda.

kinda funny how i'm sitting here singing along to green day. they can always sing exactly what i'm thinking.

time waits for no one.
and neither do i.

i've been rejected by pretty much everyone at this point in time. i don't wait around for anyone. i'm having fun, and i'm having fun alone. and people think i'm even weirder because of it. what did you expect? aren't you afraid of the creepers, they say? i accept my fate. i have no hope or good expectations for the human race really. i know it sounds emo, but it's true. i play in the park at night. i spend a good deal of my time walking around the clark fork by myself. i've gotten every single one of my piercings alone. most of the concerts i've ever gone to, i've gone to alone. actually i'm driving three hours on friday to see another by myself, to a town i've never been before, with no place to stay and with nothing but a few dollars, a half broken mp3 player, and a drivers license. it's going to be sweet.

i'm intense. i'm intellectual. and i think it scares people away. know what i say?
fuck you.

so here's to another four years.

27 Apr 2008

don't wanna fall in love. it's like a painful vice of mind and body controlling your every thought and action. like selling your soul to the devil. it always ends all wrong. all the more reason to want to be held. love will tear us apart.

i'm pretty much useless with or without someone.

i knew he was the only one for me. knew. i was wrong. so now i second guess myself. what if this person isn't for me? what if i wasn't meant for anyone? what if i'm just complicating everyone's lives?

i don't really like analyzing things like this. i want to just be with someone just because i love him. not to push myself away because i'm scared. just love as if i've never been hurt. it's tough not to over analyze. my brain's all i've got to entertain myself.

and it's tough trying to explain my thoughts to people. i'm aware of the walls around me. and yes, it's exhilarating to hop over them sometimes. but i'm too weak to hop all of the time. i need to be stronger. but just because i'm weak doesn't mean i'm not trying. people have no patience with me. "just fuck me now and i'll leave you alone," i can hear your body screaming at me. you know how many times i've been groped over these past months? i simply wanted a friendship, and they wanted sex. so shallow. so hollow. why go through the motions when we don't even have that mental connection. you know the feeling. equality and trust. the simple comfort of my face pressed between your shoulder blades. mutual understanding of our shared insanity. hahaha.

i'm not crazy, i'm just very intense and need a faithful friend. or maybe just some validation that i'm not. or nothing. whatever.

18 May 2008

it was warm, it was blustery. clouds lazily drifted through the welcoming sky to hide and reveal and hide the sun again. the song of birds, the gentle sweeping of waves, the laughter of children. always constant...yet ever changing. this is where we fell in love. this is where we say goodbye. this is my stability, my end of the world, my blood, sweat, and tears. yet i am still able to keep my composure as we embrace, and all memory floods over the dam that i've been building in my mind for the past 11 months. every mole and birthmark, the indescribable eye color and loving smile as they connect with mine, every inside joke and gesture and how--

and then there was silence.

earth-shattering silence.

2008-09-09T00:04:00.002-06:00

well wasn't that just the dumbest birthday ever.

but you know what happens in five days.
TIM ARMSTRONG. rancid.
less than jake.

2008-09-04T21:20:00.001-06:00

oh yeah, and when i was at michaels one of the employees was a crossdresser. skinny guy with long dyed black hair in a big ponytail to the side, bangle bracelets, rings, makeup. it was awesome.

2008-09-04T17:44:00.003-06:00

it actually BRUISED my finger really bad. son of a bitch ow! i can't believe diabetics can do that three times every day. owwwwwwww.

also, i need friends who actually skate. i so lonely when i does it.

on a brighter note, i has a new fishie who needs a name.

2008-09-04T01:58:00.002-06:00

so my friend pat was in the maryhill longboard championships in washington for the last week, and yesterday he had a bunch of layover time here (he lives in kalispell). we looked at all the pics on www.silverfishlongboarding.com (he's the purple and green power ranger with the white helmet and bright pink back wheels) and watched a longboarding documentary he "found" and tried to get his industrial redone but they wouldn't take his ID anywhere (it's really faded). and we walked around a lot and went to the italian restaurant on higgins (seriously best food i ever had). then we stayed up all night until i had to take him back to the bus station in the morning. needless to say i'm incredibly sleep-deprived right now. woooooooo

tomorrow i have to stab myself. because my professor told me to. (we have to do blood counts on ourselves the old fashioned way...RETARDED) god i hate lancets. they NEVER HEAL.

2008-08-27T14:46:00.004-06:00

so school fucked with my sleep patterns, which means i turn into a crabby bitch hobag. which feels good. part of me just wants to stay like this forever, but i'll return to my normal self soon. during school i usually sleep for three hours in the late afternoon, and then six hours at night. my body just refuses to go to sleep before 2am, even as an infant according to my mom, so that's how i work around that when i have morning classes like i do now. i'm a FREAK AND I LIKE IT. i forgot my yoga mat/bag. BALLS. if anyone within the city of missoula has one safety pin, feel free to give it to me.

BALLS.

shit list

2008-08-19T01:43:00.003-06:00

i hate

people who hate diversity.
conflict seekers.
people who have to live on a schedule and that's it.
smokers.
people who think doing drugs is cool.
people who drink because it makes them cool.
people who do anything just to fit in.
people who think they're the greatest thing since sliced bread.
attention whores.
whores who are attention whores.
internet creepers.
irl creepers.
being cold.
poor spelling.
poor grammar.
living in a day-oriented society.
windburn.
people who try to force their beliefs on me without scientific evidence.
people who judge without understanding.
people who assume things about me.
people who don't appreciate the earth.
people who can't listen to more than 30 seconds of a song.
the simple-minded.
people who breed.
ignorance.
people who do it all for the nookie.
people who can't deal with being by themselves.
rpgs.
slobs.
people who bitch and moan and do nothing about it.
people who complain no matter how often they get their way.
the closed-minded.
emos.
people who think they're always right.
people who force advice on me even though they're RETARDED.
racism.
dirty dishwater.
dave matthew's voice.
gerard way's voice.
people who never shut up but have nothing intelligible to say.
people who think talking about my heartbreak will make it better.
people who would do anything for a little sympathy.
people who can't say sorry.

2008-08-11T17:51:00.003-06:00

mark had to work instead of going to the gorge with us!!! but it was awesome anyway. so here is my blog post from bodymod, followed by the email i sent to mark, so i don't have to write it out all over again.

(Friday) - so here i am, in moses lake, about 30 miles from the gorge. when we got to spokane we ate at denny's, then went to the guitar center, then walked around the mall for awhile, then drove here. there's kind of a weird wind storm going on even though it's pretty hot. but anyway, on our way here we made friends with some people on their way to the gorge campsite in a subaru. it's actually pretty easy to do because it's easy to pick out the warped crowd. we were bunny hopping each other and making faces as we passed for awhile, giving fake road head, holding up money and gang signs etc, and finally one of the guys wrote a phone number on his arm with lipstick, and my bro called them up and talked for awhile. pretty hilarious. maybe we'll meet up with them tomorrow...bye for now :)

(Saturday) - All That Remains was the first act. somehow they had at least five wallets that had been thrown up on the stage by the end of their act, so that was funny. pretty sweet, blah blah blah...RISE AGAINST...nothing of note there, but of course they were awesome. Every Time I Die was good, but instead of the wall of death, they did the CRAWL OF DEATH. lawl. the singer from Street Dogs (I think...I don't quite remember) jumped into the pit and started the circle pit while still singing the whole song, then threw a couple things of mayonnaise into the air and got back on stage. i dunno.

the lead singer from the Human Abstract smashed his chest into my face/arms for a good five minutes. it was nasty because he was sweaty as fuck and screaming his lungs out. nick says i should feel blessed.

AVA played at six. it was heavenly. that's all i have to say. tom was beautiful, and the sun was setting, and just enough breeze to catch his hair. they played a few of the hits along with this punk song i didn't recognize, i could pick out lotsa dirty stuff though. dedicated Secret Crowds to Jerry Finn because...well, look it up. I had no idea that happened. I hope he doesn't die. during It Hurts, 'not your girlfriend' was replaced with 'a dirty slut.' then after one of the songs where he wasn't playing guitar he was on his knees singing 'poopoo caca' and was too into it to realize the tech guy was trying to hand him his guitar for the next song. i wish he didn't have to leave me.

but he promised he'll be back in 2010 to kiss all the girls. and that includes ME!!

2008-07-28T17:18:00.001-06:00

13 days til warped! i'm gonna see angels and airwaves, all that remains, the color fred, the academy is..., motion city soundtrack, mayday parade, alesana, all time low, anberlin, the devil wears prada, rise against,,,,,a bunch more,,,,,,,,,,,.............nurr i'm bored. but at least there is a truckload of banana bread downstairs.

2008-07-21T23:22:00.002-06:00

boredified. grandma's deck is pretty much done, and i finally got around to resizing my tool and snakes on a plane shirts. today i went to kalispell wit mama and did stuff. isn't it nice how physical possessions can replace people? yay. but not really. oh well. 19 days til warped!! everyone who told me they were coming with me have backed out, except for nick. oh well. it may end up just me and nick and mark again, but i'm cool with that. i shall have good mosh pitting! mmmm!

god i'm bored.

i'm gonna cook all day tomorrow i think. cuz i'm reeeeeeeeeaaallly bored. and i have nothing else to sew. i'm sooooooobooooooorrrrrrredddddddddddd

2008-07-19T01:04:00.003-06:00

today we visited grandma and then i painted the deck and then i made tons of cookies and tried to make coffee balls when i didn't have enough dried milk so i used rolled oats and coconut instead...i hope they turn out ok...and then i was tortured at the kwatuknuk...oh yea

and then tomorrow we're going to james' house to see the regatta and it's also nick's birthday woo

2008-07-17T21:46:00.002-06:00

well today i powerhosed and scrubbed my grandma's deck so i can paint it tomorrow since i have no job. my dad brought her to the rehab in polson from missoula today. and my uncle i haven't seen since i was 7 and three cousins i haven't seen since i was 2 are coming to visit in the middle of next month. that will be interesting...

also i cut my zoloft dose in half a few days ago. so far i'm doing ok. kind of scared of getting panic attacks again though. the weird thing is i haven't had headrushes all that bad since then. odd...

2008-07-13T02:50:00.003-06:00

Do you have your ears done?
um, they're pierced...

How many times?
6 so far

Any of them stretched?
yes

Any cartilage work?
industrial, used to have a couple helixes too

Did you have them done with a gun or needle?
the helixes were with a gun, which is why they're gone now
industrial with a needle, much better

How was the pain for the ear piercings?
lobes, not so bad
the industrial killed, and also bled like a faucet

Do you have any facial piercings?
not yet

If yes, what is your favorite?
planning on a septum
want vert snakebites but i'm apprehensive because of the field i'm going into as a career...

On other people?
depends on the person

What about your tongue?
needs holes

Is your navel pierced?
yes, needs more holes

How about nipples?
nope but they need holes

Anything below the belt?
no but they also need more holes

What is your favorite piercing over all?
on me? i love all of em

Was anyone with you when you got them?
nope, just the piercer of course

Did they hold your hand?
no, they were too busy shoving needles through me! ^-^

What did your friends/family/workplace think?
Friends - like them
Family - hate them, but claim they still love me
Work - didn't matter, it was just the cunt

Future:

Would you pierce your eyebrow?
no

Nostril/Septum?
yes

Lip?
if my future career lets me wear retainers or something

If yes, side or middle?
both sides

Tongue?
yes

Labret/Monroe?
maybe a medusa

Anything else on your face?
eyes, nose, mouth, skin, eyebrows, etc

Nipples?
yes

Navel?
already done, but i need an inverse one and some microdermals to look like a surface bar underneath

What about below the belt?
possibly

If yes, what would you do?
VCH and some ILs

Any other "unusual" or surface piercings you'd consider?
craploads of microdermals

Random Piercing q's:

What do you think about ear stretching?
it's cool, just not freaking huge so there's just little strings of skin hanging off your ears. that's kinda gross.

What about stretching anything else?
i'm not going to, but if you wanna, go for it. stretched septums are pretty cool.

Have you ever pierced yourself?
no

Have you ever pierced a friend?
no

How about an enemy?
No

What do you think about piercings on the opposite sex?
depends on the guy

Could a piercing make or break a relationship?
depends on the people involved i guess

What is the hottest piercing (on opposite sex)?
snakebites

What do you think of dudes with navel piercings?
they actually look really awesome on guys

What do you think of nipple piercings?
depends

What is one piercing you would NEVER get?
eyebrow...don't wanna draw any more attention to my monobrow than i have to

Do you take 2nd glances of people with piercings?
sometimes

In a good or bad way?
good

On to tattoos:

Do you have any?
nope, just a chunk of graphite in my right thigh

How many?
0

What are they?
;sfldhaoifdj

Did you have any tattoos done while drunk?
no

Back to piercings, any of those while under the influence of something?
adrenaline!

Have any tattoos you absolutely hate?
i want that graphite out.

Do you have plans for more tattoos in the future?
possibly

How many?
one under each clavicle

What do you plan to get?
sparrows i drew for my dead friends

Where is your favorite place you have ever had a tattoo done?
n/a

Ever done a tattoo yourself?
No

On someone else?
No

If yes, how did they turn out?
n/a

What do you think of tattoos on the opposite sex?
as long as they're good, they're cool

How many is too many?
over nine thousaaaand!!!!!!

Do you think girls with arm tattoos look manly?
hell no.

Do you think guys with belly/lower back tattoos look girly?
hell no.

Where would you NEVER get a tattoo?
probably my face

Did any of your tattoos hurt?
it fucking hurts getting stabbed with the sharpest pencil in the universe

Would you ever get a full sleeve or anything large tattoo?
mebbe

Do you take 2nd looks at peoples tattoos?
yeah

Have you ever asked anyone what a tattoo meant?
no

Do you think there are some tattoo designs that are on too many people?
tribal

Have you ever designed a tattoo for yourself or someone else?
yes, a few

Other mods:

Have you ever done any form of scarification?
no

If yes, what?
n/a

If no, would you?
nah, not my thing

Have you ever done any kind of suspension?
nope

If yes, what, and when?
n/a

If no, would you?
nah, i don't care for going into shock or getting piercings that i can't even keep :p

Any other "unusual" forms of body modifcation you are into?
umm...don't think so

some randoms:

Would you get a mall piercing?
other than my lobes, no wai

Where do you buy body jewely?
internet and painless steel

Do you like needles?
yes

Do you like pain?
depends

Do you prefer self piercing or professional?
i leave it to the pros, but DIY is really appealing to me, not just with piercing but with everything in life.

Do you think societies views on piercings need to change?
yes. i want my snakebites without having to worry about future employers turning me down.

Have you had trouble getting a job because of a piercing/tattoo?
no

Would you ever have someones name tattooed on you?
maybe roo

Would you want someone to tattoo their name on you?
no

Do you think lower back tattoos are really "tramp stamps"
in most cases

Do you think tiny tattoos are pretty lame?
no, i like tiny things

If you could only have one tattoo ever again, what would it be?
my swallows, duh

What will your next tattoo be?
as;dlghasoidfjaskd

What is the last tattoo you got?
skgh;daodifjakleafds

Ever go with someone else to get a tattoo?
yah

When was the last time?
skindependence

Ever talked someone into getting a tattoo?
no

Anyone ever messed up a tattoo on you?
no, but the thought terrifies me

Have you ever not been able to sit through a tattoo?
n/a

Have you ever cried?
not because of a piercing, but i did have to lay down after my industrial because of a really intense head rush

2008-07-12T22:19:00.002-06:00

last weekend, I beat a Canadian at air hockey. I believe my job here is done. I can now die in peace.

2008-07-10T18:14:00.001-06:00

Rant time! Know what I hate? I hate it when people brag about their mental problems. Like it's a contest, whoever is the most messed up is the coolest. Then everyone befriends them and gives them lots of sympathy. UUUGGH, is that how people srsly make friends? I'm not going to feel sorry for you. However, I can sympathize with you. And then...we'll move on with our lives. Deal with it. You poor thing who deserves so much attention because your feelers got hurt. I don't care how many pills you're on, or were on, or should be on, or how many times you've attempted suicide or wound up in a looney bin. Just...chill out. I've been through my share, and I'm over it. Can't you?

2008-06-04T22:41:00.000-06:00

"X" means yes.
"~" means sort of
Blank means no.

-Appearance-
[ ] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[ ] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair were a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. (not completely)
[ ] I have a tattoo. (just a piece of graphite in my thigh)
[ ] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[ ] I have/I've had braces.
[ ] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than two piercings.
[x] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[~] I have freckles.

-Family Life-
[ ] I hate my dad.
[ ] I hate my mom.
[x] I have (a) brother(s).
[x] I have (a) sister(s).
[~] I've sworn at my parents. (i've sworn around them...)
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I've been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[~] I want to have kids someday.
[ ] I've had children.
[ ] I've lost a child.

-Career-
[x] I'm in school.
[?] I have a job.
[ ] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[ ] I've missed a week or more of school.
[x] I've been on the Honour Roll within the last two years.
[ ] I failed more than one class last year.
[ ] I've stolen something from my job.
[ ] I've been fired.

-Embarrassing Situations-
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[ ] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I've peed from laughing.
[ ] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[ ] I've glued my hand to something.
[x] I've had my pants rip in public.

-Health-
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I've broken a bone.
[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.
[ ] I've sat in a doctor's office/emergency room with a friend.
[x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.

-Traveling-
[~] I was born in a different country. (it's the south...it is a different country.)
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[x] I've been on a plane.
[x] I've been to Canada.
[x] I've been to Mexico.
[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] I've been to Europe.
[ ] I've been to Africa.

-Experiences-
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.
[x] I've seen a shooting star.
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[x] I've seen a meteor shower.
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[x] I've been to a casino.
[ ] I've been skydiving.
[x] I've gone skinny dipping.
[ ] I've played spin the bottle.
[ ] I've drunk a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I've crashed a car.
[x] I've been skiing.
[~] I've been in a play.
[x] I've met someone in person from myspace. (some of my best friends i've met there)
[x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[x] I've seen the Northern lights.
[ ] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I've played wait a chicken. (wtf is that?)
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[x] I've seen "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[x] I've been snowboarding.

-Relationships-
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship.
[was] I'm engaged.
[ ] I'm married.
[ ] I've gone on a blind date.
[ ] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[sort of] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[ ] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

-Sexuality-
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[ ] I'm bi.
[ ] I'm gay.
[ ] I've had sex.
[ ] I've had phone sex.
[ ] I've cybered.
[ ] I've had sex in public.
[ ] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[~] I am a cuddler. (depends who)
[x] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.

-The Law-
[ ] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[x] I've sneaked out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I was.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I've cheated while playing a game.
[ ] I've cheated on a test.
[ ] I've run a red light.
[ ] I've been suspended from school.
[x] I've witnessed a crime.
[ ] I've been in a fist fight.
[ ] I've been arrested.

-Drugs and Alcohol-
[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I've passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past six months.
[ ] I've smoked weed.
[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[ ] I've eaten shrooms.
[ ] I've popped E.
[x] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I've done hard drugs.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about five pills at a time no problem. (i swallow six at once every night)
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[x] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[x] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.

-Death and Suicide-
[x] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[ ] I've seen someone dying.
[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[x] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[ ] I've attempted suicide.
[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

-Materialism-
[ ] I own over five rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own a plushie of my fave character from anything.
[ ] I own a cosplay outfit.
[x] I know what cosplay means.
[ ] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[x] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-Bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

-Misc-
[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I watch the news.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[~] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[x] I'm a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[?] I twirl my hair.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[~] I love being neat.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I've copied more than 30 CDs in a day.
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[x] I've worn pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[x] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[~] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[~] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[~] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[~] I'm good at remembering names.
[x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
[~] I loathe labels.
[depends] I like action movies.
[depends] I like horror movies.
[ ] I know the most random facts about things people have never heard of before.
[ ] I can't spell.
[x] I treasure my friends.
[~] I think of others before myself.
[ ] All of those are answered honestly.

2008-06-04T18:49:00.002-06:00

so i went to my job interview at the hot spot today. i woke up and remembered that someone may have taken my car, so i looked out the window and OH SHIT. plus i was running late. quick decision-datsun. i learned that driving stick is reeeeaaallly easy when you actually know how to drive! i feel special. good thing i didn't get pulled over because my driver's license was in my car. lawl.

2008-06-04T00:16:00.002-06:00

lol no one cared. well i know no one still does but i'm back. and my hair got dyeded. and i have a job interview in the morning. yay. hiiii oops byyyyyeee

2008-05-31T00:07:00.001-06:00

the world needs to see this!

2008-05-30T18:02:00.003-06:00

where the fuck is everybody? i'm so fucking lonely and i fucking hate you all! i'm going back to fucking missoula tomorrow so fuck you! fuck! how many fucking times can i fucking say fuck in one fucking post? lol, now i just sound like happy noodle boy. my hair is wet! and i'm covered in pimples because of apocalypse! do you fucking care! i'm sooooooooo bored omg! and i had horrible premonitions in my dreams last night and they all came true to some extent! it really pisses me off! i want to sit on a couch in the dark watching horrible chick flicks and crying and eating ice cream by the tub! omfg i'm bored! boredboredboredbored! aaaaaaaaahhhh!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! god damn it.

2008-05-29T00:10:00.001-06:00

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 20% Conservative, 80% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

2008-05-26T00:50:00.003-06:00

so in case you haven't noticed, i added some moar music to the player on here. most of the old links don't work and i left all the numbers in there for convenience's sake when i go to add moar music later. enjoi or leave.

ohgoooddd we watched indiana jones today.

and then my bro said there was gonna be a omfgbbq at clay's house tomorrow so we made a kickass macaroni salad with peas and tuna and cheeeeeeeeeeeeeese. and we listened to death metal and headbanged because that's what you do when you make macaroni salad.

and now my earlobe is bleeding and it makes me feel like i'm cool. just adds to the blood fetish i guess. but at least i still hate the taste so if it weren't for that i'd bleed all over the place more often. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbed.

2008-05-23T14:39:00.002-06:00

oh my gawd, weezer's new video has kelly in it! along with all the rest of the youtube bitches. yes even chris crocker. oh god.

2008-05-18T19:04:00.003-06:00

well wasn't that a hectic weekend? first kelly called me up friday morning and told me she'd been camping for a few days with some friends, and then on their way back their car exploded oil everywhere and they were stranded. so i went and rescued them. they had already been towed to the mechanics, so it took about two hours for them to fix it. and then i dropped them off at the mechanics again. then when i got back eui and james were there and we all watched the most horrible cartoons ever. then to keep from going insane we went and had a picnic with koopmans at boettcher park.

saturday i cleaned out the hot tub and weeded the yard some more. then eui and james and emi and i watched nightwatchers (i think?) and then nick "forgot his cell phone" so we all went to the hot spot and threw james a surprise party! then we went with sierra and becka also to burn everythinggg by the lake. and we went to hobo nation and heard the official tale of how it came to be. and almost got naked! and raped everyone! raperaperape!

and today we went to see Kal Penn speak at the obama rally! it took forever to find because we're intelligent but it was worth it. yayay! and then marshall wanted to see me before he leaves for iraq for a year and a half. says he's sorry again, doesn't expect forgiveness, hopes the best for me, all that jazz he always says. kind of ended on a bad note but that was my weekend. hoowah. and now mommy and i give gizzy a hair cut.

2008-05-15T16:34:00.000-06:00

Rancid and Less Than Jake are coming to missoula!!!!!!!! AAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

2008-05-15T00:03:00.002-06:00

yay for rain. i wanna dye my hair black again so if anyone wants to halpp that would be uber chill.

here's my schedule for the summer so far

may 17 jaime's bday at teh hawt spawt
june 6 malissa's fundraiser - mamma belly dancin and nicky giggin and lissa kickin
june 13 rooster's memorial/2nd bday (13th is it??)
june 14-24 visit denise (mebbe mark cuz he lives in the tri-shitties now), redwoods, oregon coast, doug
july 4-6 possibly go to billings for the body mod fest thang
august 9 WARPED TOUR OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFFFFGGGGOMFGGG

yeah. so far nicky and malissa are coming for sure. lissa might be taking her own car though, so i either have two or three empty seats remaining. raddd. hafta see if mark wants to have more than just me and nick though. if not the rest can just go get a hotel betch.

2008-05-11T18:21:00.001-06:00

huy! aym bayuck frawm skyewl! yaee!