Thursday, July 19, 2007 / 11:54 AM
last night at 2 am, randy ingram was pulled over, where he proceeded to shoot himself. he left behind a wife, an unborn child, and a brand new home that he built.
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007 / 9:51 PM
when you were here before, i couldn't look you in the eye. you're just like an angel. your skin makes me cry. you float like a feather in a beautiful world. i wish i was special. you're so fucking special. but i'm a creep, i'm a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here? i don't belong here. i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control. i want a perfect body. i want a perfect soul. i want you to notice when i'm not around. you're so fucking special. i wish i was special, but i'm a creep. i'm a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here? i don't belong here. whatever makes you happy, whatever you want. i wish i was special. you're so fucking special. but i'm a creep. i'm a weirdo. what the hell am i doing here? i don't belong here.
i don't belong here.
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Tuesday, July 17, 2007 / 5:57 PM
today was Matty's funeral. i was reunited with a few people who really do care. so what if most are 20 years older than me. those are the only people who would understand me anyway. one of them even kissed and hugged me like fifty times. i felt special. everyone there had very inspirational things to say, not just for matty but for everyone. i think i like funerals. but i really hate them too. the first two funerals i've ever attended within the same month. it really sucks. but anyway. hello and goodbye Matty.
As soon as you're born they make you feel small
By giving you no time instead of it all
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school
They hate if you're clever and they despise a fool
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years
Then they expect you to pick a career
When you can't really function you're so full of fear
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
Keep you doped with religion and sex and tv
And you think you're so clever and classless and free
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
There's room at the top they're telling you still
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill
If you want to be like the folks on the hill
A working class hero is something to be
A working class hero is something to be
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
If you want to be a hero well just follow me
-JL
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Thursday, July 12, 2007 / 2:12 PM
the 13th is the next ending of something. nick's friend just killed himself.
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Saturday, July 07, 2007 / 10:27 PM
ok so i was really hoping something good would happen today since it's a heavenly day, 7/7/7. add it up and it makes 5, which means let go of the past, realize your future. just what i need. so. another day at work. and a party at the animal clinic at 2. mom and the kids went shopping in missoula and didn't want to come. dad said he might but i knew he was too gramma-whipped. ugh. so during my break i went to sac as usual. and i fucking found my bracelet! i win you lose. and i read my book. and i got sunburn in the ass. lol. and i jumped in the lake a lot duh. and then i showed up at 2 and dr. tyler had rented a couple jet skis. i was a little timid at first but after a couple minutes hoshit, the throttle is mah friend. i floored it and showed everyone up. i could get like three feet of air in the choppy water. AAAAHHH!!! i was going like 50. i want one. oh and then i got back and all the old people are like haha the quiet little person is a speed demon!! silly people never believe that people never fit into stereotypes. it took so much coaxing to get sam's fiance paul and the little golfer collin in there. paul didn't want to take his cowboy boots off (wtf) and collin was scared and didn't like water (wtf). they did it though yay. so i jumped in the lake some more and went home. dad never showed up of course. i wish my tini was there. i miss my tini.
so...what's my future? maybe i'll move to california and buy a jetski. or australia. and if no one's coming, so be it. i am alone for now. because i'm a bitch. i'm trying, trying real hard, but who cares.
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Friday, July 06, 2007 / 10:03 PM
ok, did i know this was going to happen or something? just looking over my old poems on my old website. eerie shit. the linked one is almost exactly five years old too.
if i were retarded enough to seriously call one thing gay, this would be it. this is gay.
i don't belong here. never did, never will. just putting up and believing everyone else's bullshit over and over and over again. everyone i know is full of
empty promises and little hidden knives waiting to be pushed into my spine. and i believe they aren't, every single time. i'll be
plugging my ears and humming for now on. singing actually. at sacajawea of course. here comes
the water, it comes to wash away the sins of
you and i this time. velvet revolver. slash is
one of my heroes.
people are too needy. accept me as i am, not as i am not. i will not succumb to anyone's pointless needs by pretending i am not what i am. i am me, i am not him or her, i am not you. i am me. hate me for it, fuckers. fuck your
normalcy standards. and if you happen to find my bracelet in the waters of sacajawea, you receive two dollars.
two gay dollars.
Tell your friends not to think out loud, until they swallow.
Whisper things into my brain, your voice sounds so hollow.
I am not a leader of men, since I prefer to follow.
Do you think I could have a drink, since it's so hard to swallow.
Yeah, so hard to swallow.
Turn your television off and I will sing a song.
And if you suddenly have the urge, you can sing along.
I touch your hand, touch your face; I think the fruit is rotten.
Give me lessons on how to breathe, 'cause I think I've forgotten.
Yeah, think I've forgotten.
Ooh, one day out to a cliff that overlooks the water.
I jumped in to save a girl; it was somebody's daughter.
And now the ring that's on my hand was given to me by her.
And to this day, we all sit around and dream of ways to get higher.
Yeah, to get much higher.
Ooh, tell your friends not to think out loud, until they swallow.
Whisper things into my brain, your voice sounds so hollow, yeah.
I am not a leader of men ,since I prefer to follow.
Do you think I could have a drink, since it's so hard to swallow.
Yeah, so hard to swallow.
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Monday, July 02, 2007 / 8:05 PM
today...i fought. we fought. one battle was won, the other one is still pending. either way, we're filing a complaint at the attorney's office.
i am a nomad; i don't belong anywhere. i am alone, at least i try to be. i have no other choice. i'm being swarmed by selfish, obnoxious, retarded, lust-driven creeps now that i'm no one's only and have no friends here. i'll continue to live the remainder of my pointless life at sacajawea anyway. i can do whatever the fuck i want, and if anyone other than marshall lays a finger on me i will fucking break them. and yes, i'm planning on taking more self defense classes next semester, if i live that long. must kill all.
there are many battles to be won. pointless ones though. i hope i get struck by lightning and die soon. no sarcasm intended.
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